A reader had asked about my sister's surrogate pregnancy and how it all went down, so I thought I'd retell the story and update y'all.

About 5 weeks after I got pregnant, she was implanted w/ 4 embryos of a couple who live across the country from her that can't have children naturally. Only one embryo "took" and she gave birth to the couple's beautiful baby boy in May. My sis really has a heart for couples that need surrogates to have their own babies. In that particular case, the couple had had 2 surrogate pregnancies prior to finding my sis and 2 beautiful children as a result. They had 4 embryos leftover from the previous transfers and they felt that it would be immoral to leave them frozen or destroy them. I guess they also decided that they couldn't bring themselves to donate them because they felt that they were already their children.

When my sister first decided to become a surrogate, she went through an agency, but couldn't seem to find the right couple for her. Most of them had stipulations in their contracts where she would have to agree to terminating the pregnancy in case of "unwanted multiples" (too many of the implanted embryos surviving) or in case of birth defects and abnormalities that might be diagnosed during the pregnancy. She was NOT willing to agree to such things. She met this couple, who share similar beliefs and she became very close with them. She ended up carrying their child for them FOR FREE. Can you believe that??? Now, that is selflessness! Of course, all of her medical expenses and travel were paid for. The baby's mom would frequently send my sis boxes of "goodies" and slip a $100 into an envelope and send it to her now and then. She also took her shopping for maternity clothes. The problem was, this couple had already spent their life savings on their 2 previous surrogate pregnancies and had absolutely no money left, but felt heartbroken that their embryos were just sitting in a freezer. My sister just felt it in her heart that she was meant to give these embryos a chance. My sis has remained in contact with the family and they are all great long-distance buddies.

In fact, I live about 3.5 hours away from this family and when my sister comes down to visit (she's getting here this Saturday! Yay!), we are all going to drive over there and spend a couple days with that family and see my sister's "surro-babe", as she refers to him. I've seen pics. He's a cutie.....and a monster!! He weighs 2 lbs more than Scout and he is 5 weeks younger than her!

My sister's husband was a real trooper through the whole thing. He wasn't really on board at first, but came around eventually. My sister wants to DO THIS AGAIN! This time, she is going through an agency and will get paid. She just let the agency know that she is not willing to terminate and they will look for a couple with the same beliefs. She's hoping to find a couple soon and do an embryo transfer after the first of the year. Her husband seems like he is more on board with this next go-round and admitted that he sort of felt left out of the whole process last time and would like to have a more active roll next time.

She has 3 children of her own and has had her tubes tied, so they are done having kiddos. They feel like their family is complete, but my sister says that she just thinks her body was made to have children (all 4 of her pregnancies were healthy and quite uneventful) and that it is a gift that God gave her so she can help people that can't have children naturally.

Many people in my family were not fond of the idea. I was supportive, but I was also afraid that my sis was being taken advantage of and that she would regret doing such a huge selfless thing for free. It all worked out in the end, but I'm glad she is opting to get paid for her services next time. It is such a huge thing to share your body with a family, providing a place for their baby to grow for 9 months....I think it deserves A LOT of monetary compensation!

It's funny how many people she had asking her throughout the pregnancy, "Won't you have a hard time giving the baby up?" I guess they just didn't understand that the baby was in no way biologically related to her. It was made from that couple's sperm and egg and was essentially a baby before it was even implanted into her womb. She was just the "oven", so to speak. She still gets people asking her if she has had separation issues and if she is upset about giving the baby away. She gets really annoyed by that. "Gees, haven't you people ever watched Friends??" is her frustrated reaction to their ignorance. LOL :)

Labels: family, surrogacy

Here is a picture my mom took of me at the end of her visit. I was 11 weeks and 5 days. I'm not too fond of the photo for a few reasons:

1) It was a billion degrees in my house and I was all greasy and sweaty.

2) It was late at night and you probably can't tell, but I had a really tired look on my face.

3) I have been wearing sports bras lately to keep my swollen sore boobies contained (they feel so much better that way!), and this picture makes me look soooooooo flat-chested (despite the fact that my chest has grown).

4) I look like a man with his pants hiked up too high! :) And I promise, I don't wear my shirts that short - my mom made me pull it up for the picture.

Aside from all that, I think I look hot! Just kidding. No one ever likes photos of themselves....especially someone who's in that funky in-between stage of pregnancy where it mostly just looks like she's getting fat instead of having a cute round obviously pregnant belly.

My pooch looks bigger in the picture than what it feels like for real. I wasn't standing funny or sticking my gut out, though....but I swear it doesn't look that huge in real life. It's strange because I think the baby is not much larger than a lime at this point....although, my uterus is probably bigger than a large grapefruit. So, that big ol' pooch of mine is mostly bloatedness and fat! :) Ha ha!

Update on my sister's surrogacy experience:

My sis is about 7 weeks along in her pregnancy, I think. She is feeling really nauseous, has diarrhea and a bad head cold. Ick! She works full time as a Respiratory Therapist at a hospital and has 3 little ones. I don't know how she does it! She did call in sick yesterday and doesn't have to work again until Saturday night, so she's trying to rest a little. She usually works 3 12 hour shifts a week and it's starting to get to her. I'm not sure how she can keep up that pace while pregnant....and she's usually on her feet the whole 12 hours! I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but she's only carrying a singleton. My family (myself included) is very relieved about that. Everything is normal and healthy. She's had about a ba-jillion ultrasounds, which kind of concerns me. She knows that I'm choosing not to have ANY ultrasounds (if I can help it) and I think that she looks at me like I'm a paranoid weirdo. :) Not really. She just trusts the medical establishment and thinks that if there were any danger, doctors and nurses would know and warn patients. I won't get into what I think about that. She is very medically-minded, though, and I guess she doesn't see anything wrong with having an ultrasound every 2 weeks. Well, it's also not her baby and since the fertility clinic that's handling the surrogacy suggests that she go every 2 weeks for a sonogram until 12 weeks, that's what she's been doing. I think after that, they just do the regular 20 week u/s and not sure how many they'll order after that. Oh well, I'm sure I AM being a paranoid freak and everything will be fine. They still have her on progesterone shots until 16 weeks. My mom was talking to me about the whole thing when she was here visiting. She is supportive, but her main concern is that with work and feeling pregnant and ill, my sister's own children are going to get slighted. My mom assured me that if she sees my sister beginning to get cranky and impatient with her kids or neglecting them in any way because of the pregnancy, she will step in and have a talk with her. Even though I'm happy my sister is getting to do something she feels so strongly about, I'm glad that my mom will keep an eye on how her grandchildren are affected.

I'm wondering how everything will play out when it gets close to the time when we're both due. She is about 5 weeks behind me, and I'm assuming that she will need our mom to watch her kids while she travels to the town where the real parents live to give birth. The baby's parents really want her to come to them when it's time to give birth and she agreed to that, but it seems to me it would be more fair for my sister to be able to stay where she is and let the baby's parents come to her. Oh well, guess my sis has her reasons. Anyway, my mom told me that she would stay with me for as long as I thought I needed her help after my baby comes, even if it's as long as a month! I'm not sure how long I'll want her to stay when the time comes, but I admit that I get a little jealous to think that she may have to rush home to take care of my sister's kids sooner than I want her to leave. My sister has had my mom there to help her after all 3 of her births....and she has her at her disposal all year 'round. The selfish part of me thinks that my mom should stay with me regardless of when my sister has to travel because it's my turn to have her undivided attention. But then, the UNselfish part of me thinks it's no big deal and even if my mom has to leave before I want her to, I won't take it personally and let my feelings get hurt over it....it's just a matter of timing that may or may not work out. Besides, DH and I have been so blessed to be able to have children on our own. My sister is doing this for a couple that CAN'T have children on their own, and it would be pretty selfish of me to get my panties in a bunch over her needing my mom's help to give life to this couple's child. I'll do my best to make the UNselfish me win this one. :)

Labels: belly pics, family, pregnancy, pregnancy whining, surrogacy

Here's a quick update concerning my sister's surrogacy:
My sister got her first Beta done on Thursday and her HcG was 100. They were happy with that because it was so early on....they would have been relieved just to have a 50. Her progesterone level was 27. A couple days ago, her HcG was only up to 173 and her progesterone was down to 21. They were a little concerned with these numbers, so they increased the amount of progesterone suppositories she's supposed to take. The bio-mom was super nervous that this wouldn't turn out to be a viable pregnancy..... but today, my sister's HcG went up to a whopping 554! And her progesterone was at 80. They told her to cut back on the progesterone and she goes back on Thursday for yet another Beta. After she hits 1500, they will do an ultrasound to see the sac placement. She sounded very relieved when I talked to her today.....as, I'm sure the momma is too!

I'm glad I don't have to ride a scary rollercoaster like that. I mean, I haven't had anything done in the way of HcG levels or any of that stuff. I just choose not to worry about it and trust that the little bean is growing fine in my belly. (Actually he should be a little smaller than a kumquat by now!) There have been a few times when my nausea has subsided and my boobs didn't seem as sore and I got needlessly concerned....but I just know that this baby will be healthy and strong.

We have our 2nd prenatal appointment tomorrow and I am very excited. I've been trying to think of questions for the midwife to write down and take with us. I know it's early to be thinking of this, but I think I'm going to ask her what happens if I do test positive for Type B Strep later in the pregnancy. I have heard that a lot of women test positive for it and then they have to be on IV antibiotics when they deliver....but since I won't be in the hospital and I'm not all that crazy about antibiotics anyway, I wonder what the game plan would be if it would turn out positive. My midwife seems to think that Type B Strep has its roots in large livestock and that women may actually get it from dairy products. I haven't done any research on that, but I do still eat dairy. I eat string cheese occasionally and sometimes I drink goat's milk....but I haven't been eating any yogurt or cottage cheese or anything like that....although I know that acidophilis is good for you. I get so confused because my midwife is a vegan, so she is naturally going to steer me towards an animal-product free diet.....but I have no intentions of becoming a vegan, so maybe I need to make it plain to her that I need more dietary suggestions that jive with being a carnivore. (although I'm not exactly crazy about meat right now, anyway)

Labels: family, pregnancy, prenatal appointment, surrogacy

Some more background on my sister's surrogacy experience....
After she had her third child, she had her tubes tied because she and her husband decided that their family was complete. I'm not sure what brought the idea of being a surrogate to her mind, but back when she started mentioning it to her husband, they were in big financial trouble. At first, I think it was an idea to make a large amount of money in one fell swoop. At first, her husband was not very supportive, but she talked him into it. She went through an agency at first, but didn't like the way that turned out. All the couples they would match her up with required the surrogate to be willing to terminate for multiples and fetuses with mental or physical defects. Even though my sister was not serving the Lord at that time, she knew that she would not be willing to terminate under any circumstance and gave up on the idea of being a surrogate. She took her name off of that particular agency list, but always felt in her heart that she wanted to carry a baby for a couple that could not have children of their own.

Somewhere along the way, she rededicated her life to God and her husband got saved. They are now raising their children in church and have a strong zeal for learning about Christ. My sister was still visiting surrogacy message boards and reading a lot about the subject even after she had given up on the idea. She felt that it was her purpose in life to GIVE life. She had 3 relatively easy pregnancies and births and felt that God gave her a body that happens to be a hospitable environment for little growing lives for a reason. She met a lady on one of the message boards that shares in her beliefs about "termination" and they started e-mailing eachother. Turns out that this lady and her husband have 4 children from other surrogate pregnancies and they had 4 embryos left over from those transfers. Because they recognize those embryos as being LIVES, they felt wrong about just keeping them frozen in a bank, never giving them a chance to survive. Even though by today's standards, they already have a large family, they felt that it was incomplete and they should try to find another surrogate.

My sister and her husband have developed a relationship with this family and feel very strongly about helping them. You can imagine that after having 4 children through 3 surrogate pregnancies, these people have spent A LOT of money. They don't have much money to compensate my sister, so my sister offered to do it for practically nothing. They are, of course, paying for all medical expenses, travelling, maternity clothes, and childcare that my sister needs throughout the pregnancy. They will also compensate her for any time she has to take off work as a result of the pregnancy. It was all written up in a contract.

My family is less than supportive of this endeavor for obvious reasons. They care about my sister and don't want to see anyone take advantage of her. I honestly don't think that the family she is helping has set out to take advantage of her kind and generous heart, but it is still very easy to remain sceptical. I support her decision and understand why she has chosen to do this, but I admit that I wish she were being compensated more monetarily.

I know this is a totally different situation, but one time I offered to babysit the toddler of an acquaintance because she was down-and-out, with no job and no husband. Her son's father was not in the picture and she was having trouble job hunting being a single mom with little help from her family. Our agreement was that I would watch him for free while she searched for a job and then when she got hired someplace and could afford to pay me, she would. Long story short, she spent a couple months "looking" for a job and leaving me with her child 2 days a week or so. I'm not sure if she was being too picky or what, but it got to the point where I just felt I was being taken advantage of. I ended up telling her that I needed to get a paying job and couldn't go on waiting for her to find the perfect job. My point is, when you offer to do something as demanding as caring for another person's child for free, when it gets difficult...the kiddo is acting up, you get stuck in traffic on your way to HER apartment, momma comes home later than she said she would, etc.....it's really easy to get bitter and start hating what you're doing. Even if you started out doing it with the idea that you don't mind not getting paid, the difficult days are going to wear thin on you really fast because there's little or no reward for your hard work.

I hope that my sister does not end up feeling this way when things get tough and she is waddling around with twins or triplets or (gulp) quadruplets??? in her belly, trying to take care of her own family. Even if it ends up being a singleton, I imagine that there will be days when it would've helped to be able to envision that $25,000-$40,000 (that's how much she would've gotten if she would've gone through the agency) coming her way after the baby is delivered. I know she doesn't care about the lack of payment right now, but I hope it doesn't make her bitter later.

Labels: family, surrogacy

Well, it looks like my sister is pregnant too! She is really excited....but this is not an ordinary pregnancy, per se....she is a surrogate for a couple who lives 1,000 miles away from her. She has gotten 2 faint positives and it is 9 days post-transfer. My family is not extremely supportive of her decision to do this, but I'm glad she's not letting that stop her. I think as long as her husband is okay with it and she feels like it is God's plan for her life, she should go for it....and she has! There's a good chance she is preggy w/ multiples, since they implanted 4 embryos. I'm not sure what the chances of all 4 embryos surviving is, but I know that twins are a definite possibility. She is doing this surrogacy practically for free because she feels deep in her heart that this is what she is meant to do. I admire her selflessness. I hope that her children, who are 5, 3, and 15 months are not negatively affected by all of this....but I'm sure that my sister has already thought and prayed about that. They are too young to really grasp what it means for mommy to carry someone else's baby, I think....but I hope it doesn't confuse them too much.

Labels: family, surrogacy