DH and I scored free tickets to a local music festival at the last minute on Saturday and decided to go and take Scout with us. (Couldn't pass up an opportunity to see one of my fave bands - Sonic Youth - for free!) My only concern was that we didn't have adequate ear protection for her and I wasn't sure how loud the music would be. So, Matt picked up some ear plugs at a music store and even though they weren't made for kids, we figured they would work (since they are the spongy foamy kind that you can squeeze into even the littlest ear)

When we got to the festival, we ate and then I strapped Scout to my back in the Ergo carrier right after we put the ear plugs in her ears. We found a not-so-crowded spot sort of far away from the stage, but where we could still see really well and we chilled there waiting for Sonic Youth to take the stage. Scout was still in the Ergo.

All of the sudden, Matt said "She's got an ear plug in her mouth!!!" I turned so he could reach her and then he yelled, "Get her out of there!!!" My heart jumped into my throat. I unbuckled the Ergo and he pulled her out. She was choking. She could not breath. Her lips weren't blue yet, but her eyes and mouth were wide open but she wasn't drawing any breath - she was panicking. We were panicking. I told Matt to flip her forward so that she was almost upside down and I pounded on her back HARD with the heel of my hand. The ONLY reason I knew to do that was because she choked briefly on a canned peach chunk not too long ago and it freaked me out enough to look on the internet for info on what to do in that situation. The peach chunk incident was more like she was gagging/coughing....nothing compared to THIS. I swear. I did not think the ear plug was going to come up! It seemed like it took FOREVER, even though I know it probably only took a few seconds.

She finally let out a cry and we lifted her upright. For a second, I still thought she had the ear plug in her mouth, but she didn't. It had come out and was on the ground by Matt's feet. To me, her lips looked a little blue-tinted at that point, but it was hard to tell since it was getting dark out. She seemed a little bit shaken up, but was totally back to her normal happy-go-lucky self within minutes. Matt and I were total wrecks and could not believe what had just happened. What if it would not have come up? I felt like we came so close to losing our precious baby girl that night. It is so crazy how one stupid mistake like that has the potential to change EVERYTHING in an instant. I felt so dumb. Why didn't I think about the possibility of her grabbing them out of her ears? I could just kick myself. For months and months (actually, even before Scout was born) I have been wanting to order some of those noise cancelling headphones that are made especially for kids and toddlers...you know, the kind that ther rock stars' kids wear to concerts. But I just kept putting it off.

Matt said that right before it happened, he was sitting there spacing out, staring at some woman who was dancing all drunk and crazy-like to the music, when he heard that Still Small Voice that said, "look at your daughter". We believe it was the Holy Spirit telling him to look at Scout at that moment. I am so glad he did.

I kept playing the whole thing over in my head the next day and the more I thought about it, the more I knew that there was definitely some divine intervention going on. Whew! It just makes me so thankful that even in our total stupidity and carelessness, God's grace abounds and he is there to guide us.

I know this sounds over-dramatic (and way morbid) but Sunday morning, I woke up thinking that Matt and I could easily be in gut-wrenching, disgustingly painful mourning for the loss of our sweet child, had Matt not seen that she had the ear plug in her mouth. It could have been several minutes before I would've even thought to try to look over my shoulder to check on her. If I would've stopped feeling her moving around in the Ergo, I would've just thought that she had fallen asleep. What if Matt would've been in the bathroom or off getting a drink at a concession stand? No one around us seemed to be paying much attention and it was pretty dark, so I doubt that anyone would've noticed that Scout was choking to death. It makes me sick to think about how things could've turned out. I should probably stop thinking of all the "what ifs"

Labels: deep thoughts, doh, music, outings, spirituality

I'm up before Scout, and that's a rarity. I should be doing something a little bit more productive than organizing pictures on my computer and blogging. I did empty the bathroom trash when I got up this morning. Good enough.

Scout in a new outfit she got for Christmas:


Posing with her teething buiscuit:


Another new outfit from Christmas (well, they are really jammies, but I turned it into an outfit by adding the sweater and some cute shoes :)


After her bath yesterday:

One of the things I would like to do with my blog in 2008 is to write more about my spiritual journey, a la Wendy's blogging resolution. It's always at the forefront of my mind, but I normally just keep it to myself for some reason.

I'll start now.

2007 was fantastic. DH and became parents to a gorgeous little girl, so obviously, it was a great year. But it was also a year of spiritual laziness for me (and for DH, I presume). It makes me sad when I think that it has been 5 years since DH and I had a major life/heart/soul change, quit our partying ways and stumbled into a church. (not necessarily in that order) It makes me sad because I feel like I should be leaps and bounds ahead of where I am. I am still a selfish bratty baby (ahem, spiritually speaking, of course :) when I should be a selfless woman of God, a rock for my family, always seeking good, always looking for ways to help others, (and most importantly) always talking to and hearing from God the Father. I'm not expecting total perfection from myself, but I know that I am capable of much more than this. I am tired of not living up to my potential.

I am technically a "leader" in our church, since I am on the praise & worship team and used to lead the song service on Wednesday night. I feel like such a poser. I put on a show, because I know others are depending on me. But in reality, I don't even WANT to go to church most of the time. Something that used to be a joy and a passion has become a burden and obligation. Something has to change.

Labels: church, deep thoughts, dreams, general complaining, pics of scout, spirituality

Thanks, Wendy, Sorlil, and Jae for your comments on my last post. I totally agree that it has to be a decision that a family comes to on their own. Yes Wendy, I'd love more info about your delayed vax schedule. Maybe it'll help me sort things out in my head. And I totally wasn't offended by any of the points you made - I'm always open to different points of view.......

......even though it probably didn't seem that way from my reaction to that anonymous commenter. LOL! :) It's not that I wasn't open to what they were saying, it was just the dumb tone of the comment that made momma-bear's hormonal claws come out. I'm actually thankful for the comment because it made me realize how strongly I feel about soaking in as much credible information as possible before DH and I make any decisions about vaccinations....and it was sort of fun to pretend that the commenter was every person I might come across in real life who looks at people that embrace non-mainstream parenting choices as irresponsible freak shows. Not that I have a huge abundance of people like that in my life...but it was cool to have a sort of "virtual punching bag", if you will.

I'm not going to let myself get overwhelmed with the choices. Afterall, this is just the beginning of a myriad of tough decisions that DH and I will have to make as parents. I might as well get used to it and go with the flow. I know that God will tell us what to do.....I'd better get accustomed to handing my child over to the Lord and trusting in His divine provision and protection, lest I be one of those nervous-wreck mommies who worry themselves sick over their children's safety. That would be no way to live.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"
-2 Tim 1:7

DH and I just read about how "sound mind" is sophronismos in Greek, which literally means "safe mind"....denoting safe thinking and clear understanding; the ability to make right decisions.

I'm just going to believe that the spirit of "sophronismos" reigns in our lives as parents......as opposed to the spirit of fear and doubt. Amen!

Labels: controversial topics, health, spirituality

Well, I'm not in the crummy mood I was in when I wrote my last post. I hate it how money issues can get me all frazzled. It's silly. I know that we are super blessed with a lot of things that other people don't have. I am SO blessed to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mommy. Even though money is tight right now, I know that it won't be like this forever. No one makes me feel guilty about not having an income except for me. DH doesn't act like he minds. In fact, it seems to work out really well for us when I am at home doing the cleaning, laundry, cooking, yard work (well, no yard work going on lately), errands, etc. When we were both working full time, we had to spend our days off doing chores around the house. Now, he doesn't have to even think of touching the laundry or dishes and can spend his free time doing whatever he wants. (Even though he is usually fixing other people's computers in his spare time :)

I need to remind myself that being a mommy is going to be a full time job in of itself and that our child and entire family will benefit greatly from me staying at home. Even though I'd love to find a way to make money from home, it shouldn't make me feel like any less of a person to "just" be a wife and mother. It's the job I've always wanted to have.

When I was in high school, if a student said that her goal was to be a homemaker, I remember teachers and guidance counsellors replying with comments that discouraged that way of thinking. I appreciate that their jobs were to help us set high goals for our futures and encourage us to go to college in order to go on and get high-paying careers, but I wish that "just" being a wife and mom would've been viewed as an important role in society....instead of something you get stuck doing if you "fail" at being a career woman.

I want to become a Proverbs 31 woman. A woman who is a valuable asset to her husband and children. That is the career I want to have.

A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman--who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands [to develop it]. She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household's food from a far [country]. She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks. She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.

She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust].

She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].

She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet. She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made].

Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one up for service].

Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]! She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction]. She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], "Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all. Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised! Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city]!"

(Proverbs 31:10-31, Amplified Bible)

Thanks for listening to me give myself a little pep-talk.

Labels: deep thoughts, finances, spirituality

One of my readers requested some positive parenting stories, since I've only shared some pretty depressing ones at this point. You're totally right. The good parents are so worth mentioning and they always get overshadowed by stories of neglect and bad choices. Hhhhmmm....let's see..... I know several excellent parents, but one couple in particular stands out in my mind.

We'll call them Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill are raising their child, um....Pete... in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Pete is now almost 3 years old and they have taught him how to say "yes sir" and " yes ma'am" when daddy or mommy (or another adult)asks him to do something. These parents really seem to have a grip on BALANCE. Pete is constantly loved on and hugged and encouraged. There is just so much genuine love in that family and you can see it when they interact with one another. On the flipside, Jack and Jill are not afraid of being stern with Pete when the situation warrants. When he has a temper with mommy and starts getting an attitude, Jack steps in and lets the little boy know that it is NOT okay to speak to mommy that way and teaches Pete to apologize. Jack and Jill show a level of respect for one another that most young couples are lacking and I think it is so great that Pete will grow up seeing the way a husband and wife should truly treat eachother. I also notice that if Pete is getting selfish with a toy or running around where he's not supposed to (You know, normal toddler antics), Jack or Jill quietly pulls him aside, gets down to eye-level with him and explains why he shouldn't do those things and warns him that he needs to stop. They say it with such love, but you can tell that Pete respects them and knows they mean business.

Jill spends so much time with Pete, teaching him letters and numbers, reading to him, and just playing games with him. This kid seems so much smarter than a lot of children his age, and I'm positive it's because of all the effort his parents put into their childrearing. Every family has their share of problems, and I bet they're not perfect, but the fact remains that a tree shall be known by its fruit.

Something that another young dad I know said just came to my mind. He said that he almost never raises his voice at his children. Even when they're being incredibly rambunctious and wild, he speaks to them sternly, but calmly.....again, getting down to eye-level and speaking to them like they are people. It's not that his children are never punished or chastened - they are just never screamed at in an emotional outburst. When most parents' anger and irritation would probably come through in their voices, he keeps his cool while laying down the law and doesn't look perturbed at all. It's the way I imagine God must be with us.

When you think about it, we should parent exactly the way the Father in Heaven parents us. We should be consistent and hold fast to the rules that we have set before our children, but show a tremendous amount of love and forgiveness. Our arms should be a safehaven and a sanctuary for our children to cry, regroup, rejoice, or just rest and enjoy our presence. We should also set boundaries that may not seem fair to our children, but enforce them simply because we love our children and know what is best for them. We should take delight in making our children happy and fulfilling their desires every chance we get, but not at the expense of the health of their spirit and character. It's a lot to live up to and it's sobering to think that my husband and I are going to be entrusted with such a responsibility....but it's so exciting too! It's exciting to know that we have the power to give someone a good childhood, filled with love and joy. I am grateful for that opportunity. In a world where so many people DON'T get a good start and DON'T have loving parents, we can strive to make sure our child is NOT one of those people.

Labels: friends, spirituality

This weekend was pretty nice and relaxing. Fiday night we went and had dinner at our friend's house and had taco soup along with the pumpkin pie I made. We played the card game "Phase 10", which is really fun, for those of you who have never played it. Oh my goodness, I ended up eating 5 pieces of pumpkin pie in 2 days. Shame on me!

Saturday we had breakfast with some friends and had a little Bible study afterwards. We're planning on reading the Bible all the way through, 5 chapters at a time, discussing it along the way. I've never read the Bible from start to finish (seems like I always fizzle out around Numbers or Deuteronomy:), so I'm excited about finally doing that....even though it will take a very long time. Then, we just ran some errands and hung out at home the rest of the evening.

Yesterday we went to church, then went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. I ate tons of chips, salsa, and queso blanco....along with 2 beef enchiladas and a beef taco. Oh yes, did I mention that I have been in quite a beef-lovin' mood lately? Strange, since ALL meat grossed me out for several weeks at the beginning of the pregnancy. Chicken's still not sounding so great, though. We went to the evening service @ church, then came back to our house with several of our friends and played Pictionary. We stayed up entirely too late, but we had a lot of fun. I'm not sure how much all that's going to change when the baby comes, so I guess it's good that we have late nights with our friends while we can. :)

I am 14 weeks pregnant today. Tomorrow is our 3rd appointment with the midwife and we'll also meet with our back-up doctor. I'm pretty tempted to just go ahead and listen for the heartbeat with the Doppler tomorrow. I just think it would be so cool to hear it. It would make the idea that there is a little person growing inside me a lot more real....although I am almost positive that I've been feeling that little person flip-flopping around in there. I'm past the stage where I just blame it on gas....it's a very recognizable flutter that happens mostly when I am laying in bed trying to fall asleep. Yesterday after clapping, singing, and moving around during our song service at church, I sat down to hear the sermon and could feel quite a bit of movement. Maybe the loud music had something to do with it.

I'm starting to justify using the Doppler at this next appointment because a lot of people listen for the heartbeat w/ the Doppler at every single prenatal appointment, which could easily add up to over a dozen times or more....along with 1 or 2 (or more)sonograms on top of that. With that in mind, it doesn't seem so bad to go ahead and use it just for this one appointment, since we're going to use the fetoscope through the rest of the pregnancy and have opted to skip the "routine" 20 week ultrasound altogether.

I got to hold a two-week old baby the other day. It was so wonderful and amazing, yet sad at the same time. The baby's mother claims she did not find out that she was pregnant until she was 38 weeks along. Although It's sort of hard to believe that she didn't at least suspect that something was going on all that time, I do believe how it could be possible. She is pretty overweight and has a top-heavy shaped body, so she was quite large around the middle anyway. She said that she spotted through the whole pregnancy and since she has irregular cycles anyway, she didn't think anything of it. She ended up going to the doctor because she said her stomach felt "hard" and she was afraid she might have a growth or a tumor. That's when she found out that she was pregnant and she had the baby a week and a half later. She is quite the "partier" so I know that she drank through the whole pregnancy and did not take care of herself at all. He appears to be healthy and she said that the doc gave him a clean bill of health at his 2 week check-up that morning. That's good. She's a friend of a friend....I don't really KNOW her....I actually do remember her from a crowd that DH and I used to drink with, but I don't think she remembered me. It is so sad for the poor little baby. She just seems so disconnected from him. She dropped by my friend's when I was over there exercising and seemed anxious to get that little baby out of her arms. She did not hesitate at all to hand me his bottle of formula so I could feed him. He was rooting around and crying and when my friend (who also has a new baby) mentioned that he looked hungry, the momma said "Oh, his bottle's in the car. I was just going to have my mom handle that when I get to her house in a little while." We convinced her to bring the bottle inside. I don't know anything about formula or the temperature it's supposed to be, but she brought this bottle of water in from her cold vehicle and then just dumped the powder in, shook it up, and had me feed the baby with it cold. I always thought that you're supposed to warm a baby's bottle up. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. It wasn't necessarily the fact that she was anxious to let others hold her newborn or that she seemed fine with a virtual stranger feeding her 2 week old child that bothered me....it was her overall attitude. She just wasn't excited at all. I guess she hasn't really had a chance to get excited about it. She is unmarried and not "with" the father of the child at this time. In fact, she doesn't even want to tell him that he has a child now. I hope she gets adjusted to motherhood and that precious baby gets the best in life, despite its rough beginnings.

Labels: friends, griping about people, pregnancy, spirituality

I just started reading Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize today. It has been sitting on my computer desk for a while now and I wish I would've picked it up sooner. A friend of mine gave it to me when I went to her daughter's 1st birthday party and said that the author has some interesting perspectives about God's promises concerning pregnancy and childbirth.

I've only read the first couple of chapters, but so far it is very uplifting. It is the story of Mize and her husband as they choose to have faith in God's Word against all odds. While the world was telling them that they could not have children and even if they conceived, they would be bound to miscarry, they believed that God had a better plan for them. Not only did God bless them with 4 beautiful children, He showed Mize in His Word that pregnancy/childbirth does NOT have to be a fearful, miserable, and painful experience.

Reading her story made me realize that I need to stay away from the forums at Mothering.com. I mean, I already knew that I spend way too much time there, but now I really need to STAY AWAY altogether for a long time. God's Word says:

"Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper."
-Psalm 1:1-3

Okay, I know that those are strong words....it sounds like I am calling everyone on MDC "ungodly". While I know that there are some great bible-believing ladies on MDC, most of the counsel I find on those boards is NOT godly counsel that lines up with God's Word. I have learned a lot while visiting forums like that, but I have also become inundated with stories of fear, negativity, and worry.

I don't want to be unrealistic and look at the world through rose-colored glasses, but I know that God's promises for His children are amazing. He offers so much more than what the world can offer me. The world offers uncertainty and fear. The world says that God condones (even causes) sickness, disease, and poverty......and frankly, His Word states the opposite. Through faith in His Word, mountains can be moved and the impossible becomes possible.

I want to feed my mind and my spirit with words of hope and peace instead of the junk I have been feasting on lately.

Speaking of feeding myself junk, I ate an entire bag of Gummi Worms the other day in like 20 minutes. Well, DH did get a few, but I'm surprised he could even get his hand in the bag at all, with the way I was scarfing them down. :)

Labels: pregnancy, spirituality

My husband said that I must've gotten the wrong idea about how he feels about cloth diapering. He's still on board with it....he just figured it would be good to present other people's arguments to me to see if I had thought things through enough to have legitimate rebuttles to their "concerns" about using cloth. That's good. I thought he was sort of getting cold feet, but turns out he still thinks it's a good plan. Also, it freaked him out a little when I initially figured how much money we'd need to get started on cloth diapering. I was making a wish list of all kinds of fancy new-fangled diapers: Fuzzi Bunz, Bumgenius one-size pocket diapers, Kissaluvs fitteds, and a couple of washable diaper pail liners. All those things made for a very expensive wish list! While I'd like to try all of these products at some point during our cloth diapering journey, I feel relieved to know that I don't have to stock up on all the fancy stuff right now to have a sufficient diaper stash. DH is relieved to know that I can get everything we need to start out for $100. The only things I'll need to buy on top of that cost is fleece fabric to cut up for diaper liners (thanks, Danielle, for suggesting that!) and some wool wash & lanolin for the wool covers I already have. DH had a good point: we have a history of jumping head-first into ideas without totally thinking them through. He just wants to make sure this isn't one of them....because that could be expensive. This way, if for any reason we'd decide that cloth diapering is not for us, we won't be losing a ton of money. I really do have a great feeling about it, though....especially after getting enouragement from Danielle and Rebekah. I seriously doubt that we'll try it and decide we can't do it.

THIS IS WHAT I ALREADY HAVE:

- 3 Baby Greens "Growing Greens" One-size hemp diapers (even thought these are "one-size", they just look so huge. It might be a little bit until I can use these.)
- 3 Disana Wool Covers (1 small, 1 med, 1 lrg)
- 2 Bum-Ware AIO's w/ doublers
- Material to make about 3 or 4 size small homemade AI2's w/ snap-in soaker. (My friend hired me to make a bunch for her and told me to keep some of the fabric to make some for myelf. Woohoo!)
- 5 homemade contour-shaped doublers made from flannel and unbleached terry.
- 2 infant size prefolds
- 2 size small Bummi's Super Whisper Wraps


THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING TO BUY (from Integrity Diapers):

- 3 dozen infant size Chinese Prefolds
- 5 size small ProWrap covers
- 4 Snappi diaper fasteners
- 8 pair of Dritz diaper pins

Okay, on to things that are way more important than poop-catchers.....

I was reading bits and pieces of Isaiah last night and this scripture really jumped out at me:

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:28-31

That promise gives me hope because sometimes I feel so weak. Not like, "Oh whoa is me, my life is so tough!" type of weak.....but more like an "I'm tired of letting God down and allowing my laziness prevent me from fulfilling my purpose." kind of weak. Sometimes I find that I'm going to church and singing out of HABIT. The zeal and love that I originally had for the Lord when I first gave Him my heart has faded and I fear that I more resemble the scribes & Pharisees that disgusted Jesus than I resemble a TRUE follower of Christ who has a deep relationship with Him. That makes me so sad.

I really think I'm getting on the right track, though. My desire to read His Word and get to know His heart is growing and I'm realizing that I can't live a luke-warm life anymore. Life without a true relationship with Christ (meaning, talking to Him, listening to Him, thinking about Him all the time, singing to Him, being filled with His joy and delighting in His Word) is meaningless and eventually crumbles into pieces. I'm sick of "playing church" and going through the motions. The funny thing is, I go to a wonderful church where the preaching is powerful and challenging....it's not like I'm not being fed.... my heart just isn't listening and I'm not applying anything I learn. Well, I don't want my life to be like that anymore.

Labels: cloth diapering, spirituality

I've decided that anything I say about babysitting from now on is going to be POSITIVE. Seriously. I know that blogs are great for venting.....especially when you know that none of your friends and family are reading it....but I also know that the Word of God says that life and death are in the power of the tongue. (somewhere in James, maybe?) AND Proverbs 29:11 says that "A fool vents all of his feelings, but a wise man holds them back".

Me complaining about babysitting just makes the situation worse. Honestly, I should just relax and talk myself into enjoying it. I am blessed to have this extra income and also to be gaining some experience with a small child. I've turned a blessing into a curse with my bad attitude and whining. Time to change that.

Don't you just love it when a sermon convicts your heart and makes you feel like an egg-sucking dog?

Does this mean that I won't be posting about ridiculous uninvited parenting advice that my mother-in-law shares with me? Nope, probably not. Because the things she says sometimes are just silly and don't really make me mad as much as it gives me a good laugh....even though I will be sharing it in a seemingly mean-spirited tongue-in-cheek sort of way. Hope no one does a sermon on that anytime soon. ;)

I got my hair cut SHORT yesterday. I want to get rid of the black hair dye and go back to my natural color (light brownish), but do not want to use any chemicals to do so. This way, in just 3 or 4 more hair cuts, all the black will probably be gone...and honestly, I like having my hair short. I'm about to go to bed because it's late, so my eyes are all puffy and red in the pic. Nice. My husband said he really likes my haircut, too. And I know that's the truth because we are usually unabashedly honest when it comes to voicing our opinions to eachother about hair-do's and clothing and whatnot. He knows that I'm not too down with his 'fro (yes, white boy had his hair permed into an afro twice)......although it wasn't really that bad, just not my favorite. And I know that he doesn't like it when I have long or medium length hair with super-duper short bangs. I dunno, I'm a nerd, and I like having 50's short jaggedy bangs. With my nice new boy-cut, I can have them and they're not really considered bangs, I guess.

Labels: babysitting, hair, spirituality

I read some Proverbs to our baby today. I just started in some random spot and ended up reading 2 proverbs that REALLY spoke to me. Listen to this: "A recluse is self-indulgent, snarling at every sound principle of conduct." Proverbs 18:1 and "A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things." Proverbs 18:9

These really hit home because, well....I'm sort of a lazy recluse. I prefer to stay at home by myself. And what do I do when I'm chillin' at home by myself? Nothing much. Being alone whilst doing nothing every now and then certainly has its place.....but when it becomes a LIFESTYLE, selfish, destructive, hard-headedness is the result. Pretty scary.

Believers need eachother. They need eachother's presence. Iron sharpens iron (that somewhere in there)and we'll grow dull without relationships with fellow lovers of Christ. I need to start making myself leave my house, even when I don't feel like it.

Until lately, it never occurred to me that being lazy is being destructive....but because of a sermon I heard a couple Sundays ago and then bumping into Proverbs 18:9, I now realize that my laziness creates a void in the Body of Christ. When I'm sitting back, not fulfilling God's purpose for my life, others in the Body suffer for it. Hence, the destruction.

Labels: spirituality

As you can probably tell by yesterday's post, I was in a kind of a crummy mood. It doesn't help things to be negative....of course, I already knew that.....but last night at church I was reminded that words are very powerful and we can shape our lives with them. The speaker last night brought up the fact that God spoke the Universe into existence with His WORDS. John 1:1 calls Jesus the WORD. In the Garden of Eden, Satan twisted God's WORDS to deceive Eve and cause the rift between God and mankind. When faced by temptation in the wilderness, Jesus Christ resisted sin by quoting the WORD of God. Revelation 12:11 says that the brethren overcame the devil by the blood of the Lamb and the WORD of their testimonty. Proverbs 25:11 says that a WORD fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Really, all through the Bible there is much emphasis put on words and their power. From now on I'm going to make an extra effort to make my words positive, edifying, and in line with the Word of God.

Speaking of positive, I took another pregnancy test yesterday because I'm impatient, and I got a super faint barely-there line. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Everything I've read about HPT's says that any line, no matter how faint, means that hCG is detectable in your urine....and you only produce hCG if you're pregnant. But then, there's also something called an evap line, which is just the strip of antibodies in the test line (that would turn pink or blue or whatever the dye color is if the test is positive) becoming slightly visible as the urine evaporates from the test, when in actuality the test is negative. Most of the time evap lines are not the color of control line, rather a greyish "ghost" line or a dent in the test. I stared and stared at the whisper faint line and I'm pretty sure it's a very light shade of pink/lavendar. I know the line didn't show up right away, but I don't think it was past 10 mintutes either.

If I hadn't seen test progressions like these on the internet, I would've just called it a negative.


(tests taken from 9-14 days after ovulation)


(test taken 12 days after ovulation)

These are the same brand I took yesterday and were taken by women who were actually pregnant. I'm not sure exactly when I ovulated, but Babycenter.com's Ovulation Calculator projected that my most fertile time was between July 24th and 29th. If I ovulated on July 29th, that would make me 12 days post ovulation right now. From what I've seen, some people do get VERY faint positives when they test 11 days post ovulation.

Oh my goodness, I'm totally over-thinking this and need to just forget about it for a few days and maybe take another test after this weekend if AF doesn't show.
Oh, by the way, here's a pic of my test:



Don't strain your eyes too badly while searching for the 2nd "pink line". I swear it's there. I'm not crazy....really....I promise.

Labels: pregnancy tests, spirituality, ttc

After a recent visit to the Baby Name Wizard Blog, I decided that I like two of the girl names mentioned her latest post:

Tatum
and
Harper

Tatum Grey ________.
Harper Grey ________.

Hhhhmmm......I like them both. And they both sound good with our last name. You don't know it, but trust me....both combos go well with our relatively common classic-sounding surname. I know these names are much more masculine than my favorite, Tallulah Grey, but they still appeal to me for some reason.

On a heavier note, I had a really odd morning. Odd, but good. I cried all through church. I'm not sure why. I suppose my heart was just really tender and I was very moved by every thought I had about the Lord during the praise & worship service. I'm glad that the church I go to is very open to emotional displays and the people there don't think you're completely insane if you just feel like sobbing for no reason. The waterworks would just not stop. It was an uncontrollable cry that wasn't happy or sad. I think it was a little of both.

To be honest, I think it was an answer to something that I asked God for. I've been in a spiritual rut.....like "religion" is replacing my relationship with the Father and I've just been going through the motions. That is an awful feeling. I don't want to go to church just because that's what is expected of me. I want to go because I'm excited to praise my Father and hear His Word. Anyway, I prayed last night that I wanted my heart to be softened...that I would be receptive to the things of God like I once was. Lately, it just seems as if things bounce right off of me. When I read the Word, I know I'm not REALLY comprehending the way God wants me to. When I hear the message at church, it's not soaking in. I'm hearing it, but I'm not taking it to heart. Today was different.

I know that there are things in my life right now that have taken the place of my hunger to be close to God. It sounds stupid, but I don't really care how it sounds, it's true: My obsession with reading and posting on forums like Mothering.commune and The Diaper Pin has really eaten up a lot of my time and energy lately. Time and energy that should be devoted to my real purpose in life. That's something I want to change.

Labels: baby names, spirituality

DH officially has a job! He starts Monday at a company that prints tickets for national sporting events and concerts. He will be one of their database nerds. There is no dress code, which he is absolutely stoked about. If he had his way, he would wear holey pit-stained t-shirts and polyester pants from the Salvation Army to work everyday. He will be making $4k less per year than at his old job, but I think the pay cut is worth it for him to be able to work in less "corporate america" type environment.

Baby-making kick-off is scheduled for the end of August. Woo hoo! After years of trying to prevent pregnancy, it'll be pretty refreshing to just let nature take its course. I am so thankful to the Lord for this time in our lives. He has entrusted DH and I with making a human being. We will shape this child's world. His/her perception of who God is will largely rely on how he/she perceives us. We must comfort and chastise. We must provide boundaries as well as freedom. We must love and protect unconditionally and instill wisdom from God's Word. What a mind-blowing responsibility! Yet, I am not worried or scared....only excited and in awe of God's design of the family unit and how it reflects His relationship with us.

I just want to pause right here and say that the Lord - Yahweh - is so infinitely good to me! His Son Y'shua (Jesus' Hebrew name) died so that I may have life filled with God's peace and joy. He is my supreme example of what a human being should be: overflowing with love and compassion for others, filled with a burning desire to know the heart of the Father. Father God, please help DH and I to be the parents you want us to be.

Okay, here's where the entry turns from heart-felt and serious to materialistic and shallow :)

In honor of DH getting a job, I have created a small wish-list of baby things I would like to accumulate over the next 10 months. Actually, these are all crazy frivolous things that are way out of our price range and I would never buy. But, boy are they fun to covet!

1. The Bugaboo Cameleon Stroller
Price: $879.00



2. Mozzee Nest Highchair
Price: $575.00



3. Britax Marathon Carseat
Price: $269.99


4. Modern Tots Alex Dresser/Changing Table
Price: $1,195.00

Labels: baby gear, dh, spirituality, ttc

I've been reading up a little bit on the advantages of leaving one's little baby boy UNcircumcised. The more I read, the more it makes sense to leave a baby boy's penis totally intact instead of cutting off the foreskin. I used to ignorantly think that circumcision is beneficial because it makes the penis easier to clean. What do I know, anyway? I thought that "smegma" was a yucky odorous buildup underneath the foreskin of an intact penis that has not been properly taken care of. In fact, when I think about it, I believe I have always thought that smegma is a slang word, not a technical term, that I have only used jokingly in movies using dirty humor. I read on Mothersagainstcirc.org that "Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma." I really had no clue.

My husband is circumcised and I have only ever been with men who have circumcised penises. After reading the supposed ill effects of circumcision on men's sex life, I wonder what my husband's take on the issue is or if he has ever even thought of it.

A long time ago, after seeing that a couple we know left their son's foreskin intact, I remember asking my husband if he thought we would circumcise our son if we ever had one. I think he said something along the lines of, "I'd always assumed that we would."

I wonder if his perspective has changed any. He is a proponent of natural birth, using cloth diapers, and eating natural foods. It seems as though someone who embraces the process of birth in its natural state as well as eating natural unprocessed foods and also seems to like it when I don't shave my legs and underarms would also embrace the practice of leaving a baby boy's private parts intact and shun the practice of circumcision. I think he is just uneducated on the subject, just as I was before I started reading all these horrible things about circumcision.

I am definitely going to present him with some facts so he can make an informed decision.

Here is a VERY graphic video of a routine circumcision being performed. I really don't want this done to MY BABY!!



Then, there's the spiritual aspect of circumcision.....

God commanded Abraham to be circumcised. It is an outward sign of the covenant between God and His people. However, as Gentiles that live in the New Testament age of Grace and Freedom in Christ, is it something that God still expects? Honestly, even after reading all the research that supports the benefits of leaving a child's foreskin intact, if I knew that circumcision is something that pleases God and that He expects His children to do, I would disregard what the world says and go with what God says.

I intend to read and pray about it, but it is now my understanding that circumcision is an Old Testament observance that does not need to be followed today. According to Romans 2:25-29, circumcision of the HEART, spiritually speaking, is more pleasing to God than physical circumcision. In Acts 21:25, it is decided by the early church leaders that Gentiles who had decided to follow Christ were not to be expected to become circumcised. Instead, that they keep themselves from immorality.

Click below to read: "Newborns Care of the Uncircumcised Penis Guidelines for Parents" by the American Academy of Pediatrics

Labels: controversial topics, health, spirituality