Stuck on you
Saturday, September 20, 2008

cryingScout has become pretty clingy when around large groups of people. I can't say that I blame her. It would be very intimidating to be a tiny person with limited communication skills among a throng of loud strangers. This has been making our regular duties at church a little difficult lately. Scout used to let me hand her over to Pretend Grandma or any of the other sweet doting-grandma-type ladies at church when both DH and I need to be up on the platform with the band. Not so much anymore. It's Scream Fest '08 if I even WALK toward someone she knows used to watch her during the song service. Last Sunday she started pouting her bottom lip and tears began to well up in her eyes the moment we stepped into the sanctuary. I felt so bad for her. I'm very thankful that the leader of the praise and worship team doesn't mind me holding her while I sing. Although, I admit that I can see how having someone holding a toddler on stage during the song service could be a bit distracting to the worshipers and I wouldn't at all be offended if I was asked not to do that anymore. At that point, I would tell the leader of the band that I can't come up on the stage to sing until I get her calmed down and settled in with whomever is watching her. He would definitely understand, but we are already a little short on singers, so my presence is MUCH appreciated.

There have been times when I have handed Scout over to a friend right before the song service even though she was screaming bloody murder. Everyone says that once I am out of her sight and she is outside watching the big kids play or in the nursery playing with the toys, the tears dry up and she is her old chipper self again. She ends up enjoying herself much more than if she would've stayed Velcroed (is that a word?) to my neck. My mommy instincts seem to always tell me when it's NOT okay to hand her over and let her cry. Sometimes I just feel like she needs me. But honestly, sometimes I hand her over while she's crying and I don't have any reservations doing it - like I just know when she's going to be fine once she's distracted and can't see me anymore.

So, what do you think? Do you think it is cruel to make her go through that initial bout of crying and being upset even though she usually does fine once she's away from me? Most of the people at my church are in the "She's gotta learn to be without mommy /let her cry" camp. I have some other friends who are in the "never do anything to make a child upset / you must always respect the child's feelings" camp.

I see the benefit and need for both approaches. I'd say that I'm somewhere in the middle of the two camps. (I know that some of you are probably gasping in horror right now) I feel like I am very tuned in to what Scout needs. I do my absolute best to try and understand what's going on in that little brain of hers and I make it my job to help her understand what's going on in this crazy big world around her. I do try to be sensitive to her feelings and know that her emotions are very really and shouldn't be ignored or belittled.

My blood boils (okay, well maybe it doesn't boil - it just kinda simmers) when a well-meaning friend jokingly says "Aww - suck it up and quit your cryin'" or "That sounds totally fake. We're onto you!" to Scout when she is upset. I know they're just poking fun and kidding around, but I also think that deep down they really believe what they're saying and that makes me mad. How would THEY like it if they were obviously upset and crying about something and I went up to them and told them to suck it up or that they're faking it - even jokingly?

And the flipside? While I firmly believe that children are people too and we need to respect their feelings, sometimes I think it is necessary to do things as parents that might not make our children especially happy. Because we're their parents and we have life experience and knowledge that they don't possess. It's so tough sometimes to find a balance....to be gentle and somewhat accommodating, while also trying to give boundaries and making the tough decisions

This is a stupid example but it comes to mind first because it is an issue I deal with daily here in the Unkempt Family household. Scout will eat an infinite amount of raisins and prunes if I let her. I'm sure she would keep eating them until she was doubled over with the monster of all belly-aches and diarrhea that is too explosive for any diaper on this earth to contain. It's my job as her mommy to cut her off when I feel like she's had her limit. Does she get the most heartbroken look on her face which is followed with a meltdown of epic proportions when I stop tossing fistfuls of dried fruit into her snack bowl and then try to explain to her that she can have some more later? Yes. But it must be done.

Maybe comparing her love affair with raisins with her desire to become my own human necklace on Sunday mornings is a little silly - but maybe it isn't. I swear, sometimes she screams harder when the raisins are gone than she does when I walk up on the stage and pick up my microphone.

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posted by Unkempt Mommy @ 7:43 AM, , links to this post






Yay
Saturday, January 26, 2008

DH and I got to go out by ourselves this afternoon because Pretend Grandma came over to watch Scout again. We didn't do anything super exciting, but it was still nice to get out. We went to Guitar Cen+er, a coffee shop, S@m's Club, Ch1c-Fil-A (go figure), & W@l-mart. Scout did super great with Pretend Grandma again. I was worried that it wouldn't go as well as last time, since she woke up from her morning nap about 2 hours before Pretend Grandma got here. I figured that she would be ready for her early-evening nap while we were gone and that it would not be pretty, since she is used to nursing to sleep. Pretend Grandma rocked her while feeding her a bottle (It took me a whole week, but I managed to pump enough for a 6 ounce bottle) and she fell asleep in her arms for about 30 minutes. When she woke up, she was refreshed and happy and ready to play some more.

I wonder if this saintly woman knows that she is helping to restore my sanity? She refuses payment, but I want to think of something really special that I could do for her to show my appreciation. (that she wouldn't be able to refuse)

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posted by Unkempt Mommy @ 11:58 PM, , links to this post






Seven Year Anniversary
Sunday, January 13, 2008

Happy Anniversary to us!! The date went swimmingly and Scout did great with the babysitter. We went to a sushi bar and then just goofed around at a few stores on the way home. We went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, looking for a coffee pot like this one (to no avail) and then next door to Old Navy. They were having a big sale, (50% off the clearance sticker price! woot!) so we ended up getting 2 pairs of pants and a shirt for Scout; 2 hoodies for me; and a pair of pants, a hoodie, a fleece pull-over, and 8 pairs of socks for DH, all for $50. I know, I know, who goes clearance shopping at Old Navy for their anniversary? We do. Shut up.

Here are some poor quality pics from the sushi bar, taken with DH's cell phone. Dang, they're crappy.





Surprisingly, Scout went down for a nap at precisely the right time - just as the babysitter got here - and stayed asleep for 2.5 hours. After that, she drank about 5 oz of expressed breast milk, had a little bit of apple juice, ate a bunch of puffed brown rice, and played happily until we got home. The babysitter said that she didn't even fuss once. Yay! She also said that she would love to babysit for us again and anytime we want a night out to call her. You don't even know how pleased I am about that. Rather than calling her "the babysitter", I will go ahead and give her an official Making a Person blogging alias because I have a feeling we will take her up on her offer and she may be mentioned here a lot in the future. I hereby deem her "Pretend Grandma".

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posted by Unkempt Mommy @ 12:13 AM, , links to this post