Neglecting a blog is like losing touch with a close friend or family member. The longer you put off calling or visiting, the harder it is to pick up the phone. It's like you don't know what to say and you don't know how to excuse the fact that you've stayed away for so long.

Hi, blog! How've you been? I'm so sorry I've been a stranger. You know...life..ummm...so busy..er...I just never have the chance...uh..anyway, How've you been? Did I already ask that?


I'll just give a little recap, since I don't really know what to write about.

Scout:

• Says : "Daieee" (daddy), "Beebee" (baby) "Bad dah!" (bad dog), "Dah" (hat, light, and sock), "Tseecsh" (cheese), "Bah!" (bye), "Hieeeee!" (hi), "Ahhhow" (uh-oh), "Bawoh" (ball) and "Bayeee" (belly). She hardly ever says "mama". Hhmph.

• Doesn't really know the different parts of her face yet. When I ask her to point to her eye or her mouth, she always points to her cheek or her ear. She does point to her nose when asked, on occasion. She pats the top of her head if I say hair or head....or if she sees someone with a hat on.
  

• Thinks that all bare skin is "Bayeee" (belly)...so she will often point to my leg or her foot and say "bayeee!"
  

• Signs: drink, eat, nurse, bath, more, mommy & daddy (although she uses the same made-up sign for both), sleep, baby, hi & bye (of course), "I don't know", and ball.

• Doesn't show much interest in being read to. She likes to thumb through books herself, and sometimes will sit with me while I point out and name things in picture books, but she won't just sit on my lap and while I read her a story. She's WAY too busy for that!

• Loves her afternoon stroller ride through the neighborhood. If she is having a cranky day, it's almost like hitting a "reset" button.
  

• Is VERY attached to DH lately. When she gets up in the morning and he's not here, she often says "Daiee? Daieee?" while shrugging her shoulders and opening her palms upward. I'm not sure how much she understands, but I always tell her, "Daddy went bye-bye in his truck. He went to work, but he'll be home later. We will see him tonight." It's probably a longer explanation than what she needs, huh?
  

• Hits things/people when she is very angry. It's hard for me not to laugh when she gets frustrated over not being able to fit a toy into a specific place and then gets so angry that she punches her teddy bear as hard as she possibly can while grunting and making a mean face. It's not quite as funny when she does that to my face. We're working on that.
  

• Is generally a very happy little girl (above mentioned little frustration outbursts aside). I know you may think I'm just saying this because I'm her momma, but she seriously lights up a room with her smile and "Princess Diana wave" (as one friendly cashier called it). She says "Hi" to every single person we pass when out in public. No joke. Every. Single. Person. And she will keep waving and say "Hi" louder and louder until they acknowledge her. We recently went out of town for DH's job training and Scout liked one of the hotel employees so much, that she lunged for her with outstretched arms, demanding that the woman hold her. She doesn't know a stranger. Which, I suppose could be both a good and bad thing.

• Has been sleeping through the night from about 9 PM to 8 AM about 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time, she only wakes up once or twice during the night and goes right back to sleep within 5 minutes of nursing her back down. I'll take it.
  

Unkempt Mommy:

• Has a really hard time keeping up with household chores. Some days I try soooo hard to tidy things up a little and keep the kitchen clean and just generally make our house NOT look like a nasty pig sty. But most days I fail. Miserably. Scout keeps me so busy. I honestly feel like I spend all day every day following her around the house, playing with her, and feeding her. (Which isn't all bad, by the way. I really do enjoy it most of the time) DH says he doesn't mind that I don't keep the house as clean as I would like. But I still feel bad that he has to come home to a big mess every day.
  

• Has been sewing a little more lately, which has been very therapeutic. I am going to split a vendor's booth at a local craft fair with a friend of mine in October, so I'm gearing up to spend the Summer creating baby clothes, bags, aprons, slings, and whatever else strikes my fancy. I'm not sure where I'll find the time, but it's an outlet I really enjoy and hope to make it into something lucrative someday.

• Still has a giant storage tote FULL of cloth diapers to sell. Uuuughh. It's been looming over my head since January. I just can't make myself spend Scout's nap time (oh, how precious nap time is!) on the tedium of writing descriptions and listing used diapers on swap sites. I know that I need to, though. It HAS to be done.
  

• Feels all ga-ga in love with DH. I mean, I always have. But I guess that "new love" feeling has made a resurgence lately and I'm enjoying it. It's probably due to a combination of factors, one of which is the crumble of our very close friends' marriage. Seeing the state of their relationship and the pain they are going through makes me even more thankful that DH and I have such a healthy marriage. It makes me thankful that we are honest with each other, we communicate, and we are each other's best friends.

DH:

• Has been pretty stressed about money lately. I feel awful that he bears the burden of our finances all on his own. He pays all the bills and balances the checkbook. I am completely oblivious to the state of our budget most of the time. Maybe I should step up and offer to handle the bill-paying. Maybe I should be the one handling the finances. But I'm not sure how that would work. We've always done it this way and I'm sure it would be tough for both of us to change.
  

• Hasn't had much time for music lately, which is his passion. Again, another thing I feel bad about and wish I could help with.
  

• Sold his scooter so we could pay off some debt. Have I ever mentioned that I am married to the most responsible, practical man in the world? I know a lot of gals married to guys who spend tons of time and money on big-boy toys like motorcycles, boats, four-wheelers, fishing gear, paint-balling gear, etc. I know everyone needs a hobby and I think it's good to have an outlet like that, but you know the kind of guys I am talking about. The ones that put their recreational toys before everything else. I feel thankful that DH is NOT one of those guys.
  

Labels: baby sleep, cloth diapering, dh, family, finances, firsts, friends, scout talking, sign language

Last night we were hanging out with some childless friends and I was kind of picking up the vibe that one of my friends did not approve of some of my parenting choices. I mean, she wasn't really saying or doing anything too blatant...just some of her expressions made me think that she thinks I'm too much of a softy with Scout. I had attempted to put Scout to bed at 8:30, but it didn't work. I'm sure my friend could hear the screaming and whining and my shushing and singing from the other room, before I gave up and brought Scout back out to play.

My friend: Is it because we're here?
Me: Well, no - not really. Her nose is just so stuffy - she's all snorkly when she lays down and I think she's having a hard time getting comfortable. Also, I think I left the room too fast. She wasn't quite asleep when I tried to sneak out after nursing her, so she saw me and got scared and started screaming.
My friend: {rolling eyes}

Also, when Scout was exploring the room and playing, if she touched something she wasn't really supposed to or headed in a direction where she shouldn't go, my friend would say "no!" really loudly and with authority. She was kind of making a joke out of it - telling me that's how she has to get her kindergarten kids to listen (she's a student teacher) - by annunciating "no" very clearly and signing it at the same time. I guess she thought it was the appropriate thing to do, since she knows we are teaching Scout signs.

I'm just not quite as strict with Scout. Don't get me wrong, I do tell her "no" (seems like I've been having to do that a lot lately) ....but I don't usually raise my voice and if she is not getting into anything dangerous or being purposefully disobedient, I simply redirect her and offer her something else to play with. I try to see the world through her eyes. She is curious and wants to explore. I can't fault her for that. I definitely want to teach her boundaries and make her understand that there are things that she needs to stay away from and refrain from touching for her own good. I don't want to let her do EVERYTHING she wants simply to keep the peace. But I am learning that it is wise to pick my battles.

My friend would seem frustrated with Scout when she was trying to read her a story and Scout would want to grab the book out of her hand or turn the page before she was finished reading a sentence. Also done in a joking manner, but loud and authoritative nonetheless, she would say, "No! I am reading the book. WAIT until I am done." When Scout does the same thing to me, I just turn it into a game and say, "The end!" cheerfully every time she closes the book mid-sentence...and Scout giggles and we have fun.

I don't think my friend realizes that there is a vast difference between kindergarteners and 1-year-olds.

Keep in mind that we are close enough friends that if I felt like she was crossing the line with Scout or if she said something that really bothered me, I wouldn't even hesitate to bring it up. And it would be totally fine and wouldn't ruin our friendship at all because we are very comfortable with eachother.

Her actions didn't necessarily bother me or make me mad....they simply made me realize how much I've had to adjust my thinking since having a child of my own. It made me realize that I've had to eat many, many of the words I said back in my babysitting days.

I used to get irritated with Bob's mom for some of the silliest things and I had a lot of thoughts that began with, "When I have a child he/she will...." or "When I'm a mom, I won't do that, I'll...."

Ha! Man, oh man....have I had to chew up some of those judgmental sentences and gulp them down hard! It is easy for a childless person to say what they would or wouldn't do with their own children. It is easy to want to be strict and merciless with another person's rambuctious toddler when you haven't been the one to nurture and love that child since they were a teeny newborn baby. I may even go so far as to say that I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with anyone who has not had children of their own babysitting Scout on a regular basis. It's not that it bothers me for other people to correct my child....but I would much rather that gentle (but firm) discipline to come from someone who is looking through the eyes of a parent's love. I know if I had it to do all over again, I would've given Bob a lot more hugs and kisses. I would've used his playful curiosity as a tool for learning instead of mainly being annoyed by him getting into everything. I would've been more patient and understanding with both him and his mom. (in my defense, though, I was pregnant, tired, and hormonal, so I'm sure that attributed to my short fuse at least a little bit)

{Sigh} You live and learn, I suppose. Someday, my childless friend will know what it means to be a mother and she will have to munch on a lot of her words as well.

Labels: babysitting, deep thoughts, discipline, friends, griping about people, tough parenting decisions

One of my readers requested some positive parenting stories, since I've only shared some pretty depressing ones at this point. You're totally right. The good parents are so worth mentioning and they always get overshadowed by stories of neglect and bad choices. Hhhhmmm....let's see..... I know several excellent parents, but one couple in particular stands out in my mind.

We'll call them Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill are raising their child, um....Pete... in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Pete is now almost 3 years old and they have taught him how to say "yes sir" and " yes ma'am" when daddy or mommy (or another adult)asks him to do something. These parents really seem to have a grip on BALANCE. Pete is constantly loved on and hugged and encouraged. There is just so much genuine love in that family and you can see it when they interact with one another. On the flipside, Jack and Jill are not afraid of being stern with Pete when the situation warrants. When he has a temper with mommy and starts getting an attitude, Jack steps in and lets the little boy know that it is NOT okay to speak to mommy that way and teaches Pete to apologize. Jack and Jill show a level of respect for one another that most young couples are lacking and I think it is so great that Pete will grow up seeing the way a husband and wife should truly treat eachother. I also notice that if Pete is getting selfish with a toy or running around where he's not supposed to (You know, normal toddler antics), Jack or Jill quietly pulls him aside, gets down to eye-level with him and explains why he shouldn't do those things and warns him that he needs to stop. They say it with such love, but you can tell that Pete respects them and knows they mean business.

Jill spends so much time with Pete, teaching him letters and numbers, reading to him, and just playing games with him. This kid seems so much smarter than a lot of children his age, and I'm positive it's because of all the effort his parents put into their childrearing. Every family has their share of problems, and I bet they're not perfect, but the fact remains that a tree shall be known by its fruit.

Something that another young dad I know said just came to my mind. He said that he almost never raises his voice at his children. Even when they're being incredibly rambunctious and wild, he speaks to them sternly, but calmly.....again, getting down to eye-level and speaking to them like they are people. It's not that his children are never punished or chastened - they are just never screamed at in an emotional outburst. When most parents' anger and irritation would probably come through in their voices, he keeps his cool while laying down the law and doesn't look perturbed at all. It's the way I imagine God must be with us.

When you think about it, we should parent exactly the way the Father in Heaven parents us. We should be consistent and hold fast to the rules that we have set before our children, but show a tremendous amount of love and forgiveness. Our arms should be a safehaven and a sanctuary for our children to cry, regroup, rejoice, or just rest and enjoy our presence. We should also set boundaries that may not seem fair to our children, but enforce them simply because we love our children and know what is best for them. We should take delight in making our children happy and fulfilling their desires every chance we get, but not at the expense of the health of their spirit and character. It's a lot to live up to and it's sobering to think that my husband and I are going to be entrusted with such a responsibility....but it's so exciting too! It's exciting to know that we have the power to give someone a good childhood, filled with love and joy. I am grateful for that opportunity. In a world where so many people DON'T get a good start and DON'T have loving parents, we can strive to make sure our child is NOT one of those people.

Labels: friends, spirituality

This weekend was pretty nice and relaxing. Fiday night we went and had dinner at our friend's house and had taco soup along with the pumpkin pie I made. We played the card game "Phase 10", which is really fun, for those of you who have never played it. Oh my goodness, I ended up eating 5 pieces of pumpkin pie in 2 days. Shame on me!

Saturday we had breakfast with some friends and had a little Bible study afterwards. We're planning on reading the Bible all the way through, 5 chapters at a time, discussing it along the way. I've never read the Bible from start to finish (seems like I always fizzle out around Numbers or Deuteronomy:), so I'm excited about finally doing that....even though it will take a very long time. Then, we just ran some errands and hung out at home the rest of the evening.

Yesterday we went to church, then went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. I ate tons of chips, salsa, and queso blanco....along with 2 beef enchiladas and a beef taco. Oh yes, did I mention that I have been in quite a beef-lovin' mood lately? Strange, since ALL meat grossed me out for several weeks at the beginning of the pregnancy. Chicken's still not sounding so great, though. We went to the evening service @ church, then came back to our house with several of our friends and played Pictionary. We stayed up entirely too late, but we had a lot of fun. I'm not sure how much all that's going to change when the baby comes, so I guess it's good that we have late nights with our friends while we can. :)

I am 14 weeks pregnant today. Tomorrow is our 3rd appointment with the midwife and we'll also meet with our back-up doctor. I'm pretty tempted to just go ahead and listen for the heartbeat with the Doppler tomorrow. I just think it would be so cool to hear it. It would make the idea that there is a little person growing inside me a lot more real....although I am almost positive that I've been feeling that little person flip-flopping around in there. I'm past the stage where I just blame it on gas....it's a very recognizable flutter that happens mostly when I am laying in bed trying to fall asleep. Yesterday after clapping, singing, and moving around during our song service at church, I sat down to hear the sermon and could feel quite a bit of movement. Maybe the loud music had something to do with it.

I'm starting to justify using the Doppler at this next appointment because a lot of people listen for the heartbeat w/ the Doppler at every single prenatal appointment, which could easily add up to over a dozen times or more....along with 1 or 2 (or more)sonograms on top of that. With that in mind, it doesn't seem so bad to go ahead and use it just for this one appointment, since we're going to use the fetoscope through the rest of the pregnancy and have opted to skip the "routine" 20 week ultrasound altogether.

I got to hold a two-week old baby the other day. It was so wonderful and amazing, yet sad at the same time. The baby's mother claims she did not find out that she was pregnant until she was 38 weeks along. Although It's sort of hard to believe that she didn't at least suspect that something was going on all that time, I do believe how it could be possible. She is pretty overweight and has a top-heavy shaped body, so she was quite large around the middle anyway. She said that she spotted through the whole pregnancy and since she has irregular cycles anyway, she didn't think anything of it. She ended up going to the doctor because she said her stomach felt "hard" and she was afraid she might have a growth or a tumor. That's when she found out that she was pregnant and she had the baby a week and a half later. She is quite the "partier" so I know that she drank through the whole pregnancy and did not take care of herself at all. He appears to be healthy and she said that the doc gave him a clean bill of health at his 2 week check-up that morning. That's good. She's a friend of a friend....I don't really KNOW her....I actually do remember her from a crowd that DH and I used to drink with, but I don't think she remembered me. It is so sad for the poor little baby. She just seems so disconnected from him. She dropped by my friend's when I was over there exercising and seemed anxious to get that little baby out of her arms. She did not hesitate at all to hand me his bottle of formula so I could feed him. He was rooting around and crying and when my friend (who also has a new baby) mentioned that he looked hungry, the momma said "Oh, his bottle's in the car. I was just going to have my mom handle that when I get to her house in a little while." We convinced her to bring the bottle inside. I don't know anything about formula or the temperature it's supposed to be, but she brought this bottle of water in from her cold vehicle and then just dumped the powder in, shook it up, and had me feed the baby with it cold. I always thought that you're supposed to warm a baby's bottle up. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. It wasn't necessarily the fact that she was anxious to let others hold her newborn or that she seemed fine with a virtual stranger feeding her 2 week old child that bothered me....it was her overall attitude. She just wasn't excited at all. I guess she hasn't really had a chance to get excited about it. She is unmarried and not "with" the father of the child at this time. In fact, she doesn't even want to tell him that he has a child now. I hope she gets adjusted to motherhood and that precious baby gets the best in life, despite its rough beginnings.

Labels: friends, griping about people, pregnancy, spirituality

I went and exercised with a couple friends of mine today because I didn't have to babysit. It was the first time I've done anything remotely physical in forever and it felt great! I didn't over-do it, though. In fact, I sat out during the whole last half of the pilates video because they were doing some intense stomach crunch type things and push-ups. Since I haven't been exercising and I really didn't exercise that often before I was pregnant (aside from walking and riding the exercise bike), I decided it would be a bad idea to suddenly start doing crazy contortionist moves at this stage of the game.

These two friends that I worked out with just had babies a few weeks ago. Well, one was 7 weeks ago and the other was 5 or 6 weeks ago, I think. They had their tiny little babies with them and they were so precious! One of the gals breastfed for the first 6 weeks and then decided to stop because it was really inconvenient. That made me sort of sad. But it also made me feel very blessed that I will have all the time in the world to establish a good breastfeeding relationship with my baby and give it the best shot I can. The reason it was inconvenient for her is because she owns her own business and went back to work a couple weeks ago. I'm certainly no expert, but it sounds like where she may have gone wrong is when she started feeding the baby bottles pretty early on. She would pump breastmilk so her husband and MIL could feed the baby and I think that may have messed up her supply a little. I've read that if you don't breastfeed the baby on demand, your supply can get whacked out and you may not end up producing as much that way. She said that she felt like she was pumping all day long and he ate so much that she could barely keep up. She gave up and went to formula last week. It does seem like it would be extremely difficult to breastfeed and work at the same time. I guess that's nature's way of saying that it's best for momma to stay home. Well, at least her baby did get those important momma-milk nutrients for the first several weeks of his life, so that's good. My other friend went straight to formula and didn't even take a shot at breastfeeding. Oh well. To each, their own. I need to get a bunch of crunchy hippy momma friends IRL!

It's super nice and cold here today....and cloudy...mmmm...it feels like Fall! I love it. My Autumn mood made me buy ingredients to make a couple pumpkin pies to take over to a friends house tomorrow. We live like a block away from this lady we go to church with and we never visit eachother, so we decided it would be nice to finally get together for dinner since we're neighbors and all.

As for the rest of the day, I think I'm going to sew, read a little, and maybe....just MAYBE, if I feel especially motivated, I might go out and rake some leaves. Maybe.

Labels: breastfeeding, exercise, friends