Lately, I've been tossing around the idea of watching a child (or children) in my home. I would love to contribute to our household income and I stay home most of the time anyway, so why not make some money while Scout and I are hanging around the house, right? But then I think of all the drawbacks. Scout would be forced to spend every day with another child. Forced to share her mommy, her toys, and her space. Her routine would be altered. I still nurse her down for her naps. How would I go about doing that with another toddler or baby around?

I know all of that happens when a sibling enters the picture. But to me, sharing her daily life with another member of the family is very different than having to share it with some random child. One of the advantages of us waiting a while to have another baby is being able to give Scout all of our attention for the first few years of her life. Opening up our home to another child 5 days a week for 8-9 hours a day kind of cancels that out.

I'm sure she would enjoy having a playmate sometimes, but I would just feel bad that she'd have no choice but to play with this other child day in and day out. Or would she even care?

I know this may sound rude or finicky or whatever, but IF I did decide to open up my home to other children, I would have to like them immensely and get along great with their parents. How awful would it be to get stuck with a super difficult and challenging child and rotten parents that annoy me? I think I am asking too much. The planets would have to align just perfectly for me to end up with the ideal babysitting situation.

Obviously, it seems I have already made my decision. When I "think out loud" about it, it appears to be a bad idea. But then when I think of the money aspect, it really makes a lot of sense. I know that there are probably lots of stay-at-home moms who babysit in their homes. How do they make it work? I'm sure there must be a way to do it, but I'm just not sure how.

Labels: deep thoughts, family, finances, home business

My family is in town and we are having a great time. My mom, step-dad, and grandma are totally spoiling Scout. Yesterday, we went to the mall and they spent a bunch of money on her. She got 2 outfits from Gymb0ree and 2 pairs of shoes from Str1de Rite.

Here is one of her outfits. I *heart* it.






Here is the picture the Str1de Rite employee took of Scout in her first pair of "real" hard-sole shoes. She actually walks quite steadily in them, despite the fact that she is used to Robeez. (I was just holding her hands to keep her still for the picture)



She got a brown and pink pair and a pair of white T-straps. Here are the brown pair. I couldn't find a pic of the white shoes online...



Gotta go - I'm being a rude hostess to my family. LOL :)

Labels: baby gear, clothes, family

My mom, step-dad, and grandma are getting here this Sunday and are staying for 2 weeks. Woohoo! My mom and step-dad have been planning on coming down for Scout's birthday for quite a while now. Then, my grandma started hinting around that she would like to be here for Scout's birthday too, so my mom asked her to come along. I'm really glad she did. My grandma had a big hand in my upbringing and I want her to get to see my daughter as much as possible.

We don't have a lot of extra space, so I had to rearrange the house a little to accomodate all the extra bodies. Our front living area (the room that used to be our dining room and that we now use for my computer desk and Scout's toys) is now a guest bedroom for my grandma. I moved the toys to Scout's bedroom, and now she just drags them out as she plays with them. My mom and step-dad will sleep in our room and DH and I will crash in the family room on the couch and recliner. Sometimes we spend the night in there if we fall asleep watching t.v. anyway, so it won't be that big of an adjustment for us at all. My mom is worried that we won't be comfortable in the family room, but I keep telling her that DH can pretty much sleep anywhere and I actually think the recliner is very comfy and sleep in it all the time.

Labels: family

Recently, I've noticed that my attitude toward nursing in public changes depending on who we are out with at the time. When it is just me, DH, and Scout out somewhere, I feel totally comfortable nursing in public. I'm always as discreet as possible, but I truly don't give a crap about what all the strangers around think. But if we are out with certain family members, I feel scared and awkward about breastfeeding Scout in public....as if I'm going to embarrass them or something. I wish I could get over that.

On the last evening of our recent visit up North, we went out to eat with my dad, step-mom, and uncle. Scout was tired and clingy and just needed to nurse a lot. We were at a nice (but not too fancy) steak house, seated at a table (not a booth) in a high-traffic area. I'm so glad that when I mentioned needing to nurse Scout, my dad and step-mom did not act weirded out at all. I was surprised because neither of them are very familiar with breastfeeding and my dad has jokingly asked, "How long do you plan on doing that, until she's in college or something?" on more than one occasion.

I was a little more comfortable when I realized it wasn't a big deal to them (or if it was, they didn't show it) and I think I did a pretty good job of hiding my exposed nipple every time Scout would get distracted and suddenly pop off. But it was still very stressful for me. I was sweating and flustered. Scout was being very squirmy and fussy, so I felt like that was bringing attention to what I was doing. I don't doubt that she was probably picking up on my stressed-out vibes and that probably made things worse.

When we went out to breakfast with MIL the other day, I was hoping and praying that I wouldn't need to nurse Scout while we were at the table. I don't really know her views on breastfeeding, but I get the distinct feeling it's something that makes her uncomfortable. I nursed Scout in the car before we went into the restaurant and then she was content with eating puffed brown rice and pears while she sat in the high chair. It's ridiculous, but I was so relieved that she didn't want to nurse while we were there. If it would've just been DH, Scout, and I out to breakfast, I wouldn't have even given it a second thought.

How come it's so much easier to be bold about breastfeeding around people you don't know than it is when you're with family?

Labels: breastfeeding, family

Last night, I organized and folded all of Scout's 0-6 month clothing and packed them away in a big 30 gallon plastic tote. It made me a little sad to see and touch the tiny pajamas she wore as a newborn...tiny hats...tiny socks...

But I was also happy. I joked with DH when he walked through the room and asked what I was doing. "Putting clothes away for Scout's baby sister", I said, trying not to show my huge dorky grin. Of course, I am NOT pregnant...and we are not even close to being ready to try for another baby. But the thought of having another little girl who would someday wear those clothes made me so happy...... Another little girl, who would follow Scout around and learn from her and play with her....who would annoy her at times (I am a big sister, so I know these things) but would ultimately end up being her best playmate and best friend. Shortly after that thought, I imagined not being able to use any of those adorable clothes for the next baby because of the possibility that it might be a boy. Well, that made me smile all huge and dorky-like too!

Labels: being sappy, deep thoughts, family, ttc

Labels: family, holidays, pics of scout, travels, trips

We're leaving tomorrow to fly North for Christmas. I'm so excited for my family to meet Scout! Even though my mom and grandma were here when she was born, it'll be like they are meeting her all over again because she is (obviously) so different now. My dad and stepmom, who have never met her, will be picking us up from the airport. That will definitely be a photo-worthy moment!

I stayed up ALL NIGHT working on a diaper bag for my niece, who is really into baby dolls right now. I should've been working on it a little at a time, but (surprise, surprise) I waited until the last minute. Here's a pic of the applique on the front of the bag. I'll take a pic of the completed bag as soon as it's done (waiting for Scout to nap so I can turn it right side out and stitch up a little 4 inch section).



I'm not even close to being done packing yet. Yikes!

**ETA**
The finished diaper bag:


I'm pretty happy w/ how it turned out. I'm going to fill it with accessories for my niece's doll babies. I hope she likes it!

Labels: family, holidays, sewing, travels

We have an unholy love for cranberry sauce around here. I made 2 big bowls of it for Thanksgiving. Since those are long gone, it was time to make some more. The one on the left is my blind attempt at orange cranberry sauce. I didn't even bother to look up a recipe. I just figured adding oranges to the ingredients of original cranberry sauce would be sufficient. We'll see.



We have a bunch of peanut oil leftover from our fry-fest on Thanksgiving, so we are getting together with some friends tomorrow and having fry-fest, the sequel. We bought some frozen chicken pot pies and sweet potato cakes to fry. Not sure what else DH will find to emerse in the oil, but surely there will be more.

Other than a little bit of cranberry sauce, I will not be partaking, as I am back on the Weight Watchers wagon after falling off on Thanksgiving Day. At last night's weigh-in, I had gained 0.8 lbs. Shoot. But the woman that weighed me said that was actually very good for a post-holiday weigh-in. The way everyone was talking at the meeting, I don't think many people actually lost weight. The leader said that a good goal to have for this time of year is to just maintain your current weight and not worry about losing. I am going to be REALLY good these next few weeks between now and Christmas because I know that my visit with my family the week of Christmas will not be very Weight Watchers friendly.

Oh, by the way, I started out at 238.6 lbs when I started Weight Watchers 6 weeks ago and am at 226.2 as of yesterday.

Labels: family, food, weight loss

Lookie what I got today!



My MIL bought it for me. She knows I've been wanting a new serger to replace my old crappy broken one for a long time. She made sure it has all the features I need and then ordered it the day before yesterday. Sure, many people think that Wal-Mart is evil, but dang they're fast with their online orders! I am really grateful. It was so sweet of my MIL to do that for me!

I haven't sat down to piddle with it yet. I've been organizing my sewing space and taking inventory of my fabric so I can figure out what my first project should be. The machine comes pre-threaded, but got all wonky and tangled during shipment. That's just as well, because I need to learn how to thread it on my own anyway.

Something else I received in the mail the other day:



It's a Bummi's Super Whisper Wrap diaper cover in the Flower print. I have a couple used plain white BSWW's that fit Scout really well, so I just couldn't resist this cute print. Scout seems happy about it. (don't ask me what she's wearing)



I am starting to get over my fear of Scout feeding herself. Since we started giving her solids at 6 months, we've been spoon-feeding purees and putting pieces of fruit in her mesh feeders. I do believe that there are a lot of benefits to letting babies feed themselves and wanted to go that route with Scout...but I just have not been able to get over the fear of choking. I know that proponents of baby-led feeding say that infants are much more likely to choke on purees than pieces of food that they bring to their own mouths and bite off (because "the action used to suck food off a spoon tends to take the food straight to the back of the mouth, causing the baby to gag"), but I just have a hard time wrapping my mind around that.

I recently steamed a butternut squash and gave Scout some chunks that she could easily fist and bring to her mouth. She probably only managed to get one or two bites in her mouth, but had fun playing in it and examining the texture. Tonight, DH and I watched as she brought chunk after chunk of squash up to her mouth to lick and take tiny bites. It was cute. She would poke the pieces on the table with her index finger, enjoying the squishiness. A few times, she got some big pieces in her mouth that made me a little nervous, but she spit them right out. We video taped part of it. Maybe I'll post that later.

Labels: cloth diapering, family, firsts, food, pics of scout, sewing, tough parenting decisions

My sis and her brood is leaving tomorrow to go back up North. I'm bummed because the soonest I'll probably get to see them again is Christmas....but I'm sort of doubtful that will happen because we really don't have the money to go up there. I'm guessing that the the next time we will make it up there is next Spring.

We took all the kids to get their portraits done today (Thanks for the coupon, twolinesonastick!) and I think they turned out great. I can't wait to get them back. My sis also recently bought a 2 year membership for next to nothing from another momma on a baby goods trading site, so that helped cut the cost too. When Scout was 1 week old, we had her portraits done at a private professional portrait studio because the photographer is a friend of ours. Just an example of how outrageous his prices were : 8 wallets were $18.00 and an 8 x 10 was $25.00. (I use past tense because he and his family are missionaries overseas now) That was not including the sitting fee. We never could've afforded that, but DH had done some website work for him, so we got all of our pics for free. Compared to those prices, JC Penney is so inexpensive! I ended up with 6 different poses and four 3.5 x 5's, four 5 x 7's, 21 wallets, 21 billfolds, and one 10 x 13, all for $45. It just dawned on me that I forgot to order one of the poses that I really liked, so I'm going to have to pay full price for a sheet later when I can come up with the money and order it online....but even then, it will be WAY cheaper than the small local professional photographers. And from what I saw today, the quality is super close to being as good.

On our way out of the portrait studio, a jolly elderly man (maybe 75 years old or so) came up to us. We had the oddest exchange EVER. This is entirely true. None of it is fabricated or even exaggerated.

Old Man (to Scout): Aren't you just so cute? Yes you are, yes you are! Is that your big sissy? (pointing to my 6-year-old niece)

Me (smiling cheerfully): Nope, that's her older cousin.

Old Man: Awe, yeah, but I bet she still molests her like an older sister would.

Me (nervous and confused): heh heh heh

Old Man (chuckling, to my 6-year-old niece): Yep, that's okay, I like to molest little babies too.

Ummmm..... WHAT?
My theory is that he is a little senile and got the words "harrass" and "molest" mixed up. Because if you replace the word molest with harrass, what he said makes sense and fits with the jesting/teasing tone he was using. Poor guy. At least, that's what I HOPE happened. Gees. (To be fair, I just looked up the word molest, and it actually means to disturb or annoy in the purest sense of the word. But dang, man! You have to be living under a rock to not know that nobody uses it in that context anymore)

My sister and I completely busted up after he walked away. My bro-in-law was in the bathroom when it happened and DH was at work, so they did not get to witness the weirdness of an old man announcing loudly "I like to molest little babies" in the middle of a department store. Too bad. DH would've loved it and I wonder if he really believes that it happened the way I said it did.

Labels: family, holy crap

You haven't lived until you've ridden in a van for 4 hours with a gaggle of kids, ages 6 years, 4 years, 2 years, and 6 months. Added bonus: The 2-year-old and the 6-month-old cried almost non-stop for the last hour, while the two older ones fought with each other and whined incessantly. Woo. Hoo.

On a more positive note, DH took a pic of me breastfeeding Scout on a bench outside of Hooters today. I needed to feed her before we all piled into the van to head back home and Hooters just happened to be in the shopping center where we had stopped to use the restroom. It's still on DH's phone, so I'll have to post it later.

Labels: breastfeeding, family, trips

Well, I don't think I did that great of a job delurking since I have family in town and haven't had time to just sit and surf blogs. I'm definitely going to be visiting more of the sites that I stalk on a regular basis and letting my presence be known as I have a chance.

I don't really have time this morning to post about the fun times we've been having while my sis has been in town, but here are some pics:











I wish I could show off my cute nephews and niece, but I don't want to post their pics without my sister's permission. I don't think she'd mind, since she has them plastered all over her MySpace page....but I'd rather not ask her, seeing as how I would like my blog to remain unknown to friends and family.

Labels: family, pics of scout

Go ahead and take a moment to laugh snidely at the fact that I'm posting this pic,



after posting this mild rant on shiny-noisy-baby-holder-dealies.

I admit that Scout has been spending WAY more time in our borrowed Jumperoo than I like. It's just a fun and safe place for her to be while my sister's kids are running around like banshees (I don't know what a banshee is or if it even runs around). I put her down on the floor now and then when I am able to supervise very closely and lay the smack down if one of the kids decides that doing pro wrestling moves is a smart thing to do two inches from a baby's head. Of course, I hold her a bunch (as always) but the Jumperoo allows her to be down where the kids are playing and she LOVES being in the midst of the action, staring intently at their wild games. She has been all smiles. She has even let out some good belly laughs while watching them - something she has NEVER done before. (She usually does this weird squealing thing in place of an actual laugh).

My 6-year-old niece took the above pic, by the way. I think she did a darn good job.

I am really enjoying my sister's visit. It is wonderful to have her here to do all of the things we would do if we lived in the same city. We made a couple of dishes to take to the church potluck on Sunday afternoon. We planned out all of our meals for this week and went grocery shopping today. We plan on hitting a few thrift stores and going to get the kids' portraits made together. Our town is having its annual arts and crafts festival (in honor of the apple and its abundance in these parts) this weekend and we live a block away from the festivities, so that will be a fun place to take the kids.

I'm realizing how spoiled I am to having peace and quiet and having my house in order (most of the time). If given the opportunity, the 2-year-old whips through Scout's nursery like a tornado, leveling the place in no time flat. The two older kids are usually jumping on one of the beds or wrestling with eachother. They are only being kids are usually very well behaved. I have just gotten used to my child, who at this point takes 20 minutes to scoot 3 feet.....and is pretty quiet about it. Oh, and naptime is a little nerve-wracking. We have a one-story home with relatively thin walls. I feel bad that we're constantly shushing the kids and they don't have a good place to get their ya-yas out.

Here's a pic of my sis meeting my daughter for the first time (notice aforementioned conversion van in the background LOL :)



So sweet!

Labels: family, pics of scout

I sliced my thumb with a pair of scissors (was trying to wipe off some adhesive goo from cutting stick-on Velcro) and now I can't knit for a while because it's so sore. Phooey.

My sis and her crew will be arriving here at approx. 6:00 PM tomorrow (er...I mean today). Yay!!!! I talked to her after they had pulled off to sleep at a hotel about 9 hours from here. The kids (ages 6, 4, and 2) are all on a "vacation high" and are in rare form. Whenever I talk to my 6 year old niece on the phone, she can't stop talking about how they're going to get to stay in a hotel on the way down. I think she's more excited about the hotel stays than coming to our house.

I can remember that feeling when I was little. Road trips were so awesome. I feel bad for everyone that had to ride long distances with me back then. Man, was I an annoyingly exuberant chatterbox during our trips to Disney World, Myrtle Beach, and Sanibel Island! I can picture it now..... My sister and cousin and I all sitting in the back of the van listening to Paula Abdul cassette tapes, wearing matching spandex biker shorts (black trimmed with those hideous neon colors that were popular back then) with our oversized New Kids on the Block tee shirts and crisp new Keds, talking about boys and eating oatmeal creme pies.

Wanna know something cool? My sis is borrowing my grandma's big 1988 Chevy conversion van (ya know, the kind with the wood console and track lighting? So very pimp.) for their trip down here. It is the very same van that we all piled into for road trips when I was younger. I was 8 years old when my grandpa got that particular van. He had another uglier and bigger one that I also have many memories of prior to that. My family was always big on yearly vacations. The van (it really needs a name - it's like part of the family!) is in great condition because it has only ever been used for road trips. My uncle takes it out of my grandma's garage for a spin and routine maintainance every now and then so it doesn't just sit there and rot. Every time someone in the family takes a road trip, my grandma calls and gets a temporary insurance policy on it and has my uncle take it to get serviced. It would make my grandpa happy to know that his grown granddaughters are still enjoying his prized vacation van today.

Hhmm...weird that my late grandpa has popped into 2 posts in a row and I've never mentioned him before this. Maybe he's trying to wave hello or something. Hi, Papa!!!

Labels: family, reminiscing about childhood

I rearranged Scout's bedroom today. My sis, her husband, and their 3 kids are all going to stay in our bedroom when they visit. (I know that seems like it would be cramped quarters, but our bedroom is gigantic.) We moved Scout's crib (where she has never slept) into our bedroom for my 2 year old nephew. My sis and her hubby are sleeping in our king size mattress and I laid a full size mattress that came out of our old hide-a-bed couch on the floor as well. I asked my sis if she'll mind being crammed into one room, but she said it won't bother them a bit. I will sleep with Scout on the queen size mattress in her room and DH will sleep on the couch back in his office/family room. (He ends up crashing there a lot anyway). This makes more sense than making my sis and her husband sleep in the family room because DH might have to stay up late and do computer nerd stuff and that is his work area. The kids can't sleep in the front living room because you have to walk through it to get to the kitchen and I figured it would too hard not to wake them up if we needed to go in and out of the kitchen after their bedtime at 8:30 PM.

Here are pics of Scout's room: (I know I've shown some pics of it before, but just humor me :)









Some details about the room:
- My late grandpa made the wooden doll cradle where we store Scout's diapers. I thought that was a cute idea.
- I know it's weird and pointless to have a crib mobile attached to the doll cradle, but I love it and couldn't make myself pack it away after we moved the crib out of the room.
- Scout's potty is parked under the big stuffed elephant. It fits nicely between his legs and it is in reach for when I need it to hold Scout over the potty first thing in the morning.

Labels: family, my house, pics of scout

A reader had asked about my sister's surrogate pregnancy and how it all went down, so I thought I'd retell the story and update y'all.

About 5 weeks after I got pregnant, she was implanted w/ 4 embryos of a couple who live across the country from her that can't have children naturally. Only one embryo "took" and she gave birth to the couple's beautiful baby boy in May. My sis really has a heart for couples that need surrogates to have their own babies. In that particular case, the couple had had 2 surrogate pregnancies prior to finding my sis and 2 beautiful children as a result. They had 4 embryos leftover from the previous transfers and they felt that it would be immoral to leave them frozen or destroy them. I guess they also decided that they couldn't bring themselves to donate them because they felt that they were already their children.

When my sister first decided to become a surrogate, she went through an agency, but couldn't seem to find the right couple for her. Most of them had stipulations in their contracts where she would have to agree to terminating the pregnancy in case of "unwanted multiples" (too many of the implanted embryos surviving) or in case of birth defects and abnormalities that might be diagnosed during the pregnancy. She was NOT willing to agree to such things. She met this couple, who share similar beliefs and she became very close with them. She ended up carrying their child for them FOR FREE. Can you believe that??? Now, that is selflessness! Of course, all of her medical expenses and travel were paid for. The baby's mom would frequently send my sis boxes of "goodies" and slip a $100 into an envelope and send it to her now and then. She also took her shopping for maternity clothes. The problem was, this couple had already spent their life savings on their 2 previous surrogate pregnancies and had absolutely no money left, but felt heartbroken that their embryos were just sitting in a freezer. My sister just felt it in her heart that she was meant to give these embryos a chance. My sis has remained in contact with the family and they are all great long-distance buddies.

In fact, I live about 3.5 hours away from this family and when my sister comes down to visit (she's getting here this Saturday! Yay!), we are all going to drive over there and spend a couple days with that family and see my sister's "surro-babe", as she refers to him. I've seen pics. He's a cutie.....and a monster!! He weighs 2 lbs more than Scout and he is 5 weeks younger than her!

My sister's husband was a real trooper through the whole thing. He wasn't really on board at first, but came around eventually. My sister wants to DO THIS AGAIN! This time, she is going through an agency and will get paid. She just let the agency know that she is not willing to terminate and they will look for a couple with the same beliefs. She's hoping to find a couple soon and do an embryo transfer after the first of the year. Her husband seems like he is more on board with this next go-round and admitted that he sort of felt left out of the whole process last time and would like to have a more active roll next time.

She has 3 children of her own and has had her tubes tied, so they are done having kiddos. They feel like their family is complete, but my sister says that she just thinks her body was made to have children (all 4 of her pregnancies were healthy and quite uneventful) and that it is a gift that God gave her so she can help people that can't have children naturally.

Many people in my family were not fond of the idea. I was supportive, but I was also afraid that my sis was being taken advantage of and that she would regret doing such a huge selfless thing for free. It all worked out in the end, but I'm glad she is opting to get paid for her services next time. It is such a huge thing to share your body with a family, providing a place for their baby to grow for 9 months....I think it deserves A LOT of monetary compensation!

It's funny how many people she had asking her throughout the pregnancy, "Won't you have a hard time giving the baby up?" I guess they just didn't understand that the baby was in no way biologically related to her. It was made from that couple's sperm and egg and was essentially a baby before it was even implanted into her womb. She was just the "oven", so to speak. She still gets people asking her if she has had separation issues and if she is upset about giving the baby away. She gets really annoyed by that. "Gees, haven't you people ever watched Friends??" is her frustrated reaction to their ignorance. LOL :)

Labels: family, surrogacy

Here's a pic of me and my little girl. As you can see, she totally soaks her clothes in drool. After it dawned on me that I've been changing her out of her sopping-wet clothes like 6 times a day, I decided that it's time for her to wear a bib on a full time basis. Duh, mom. Why didn't you think of that before??



Unlike her mommy, Scout loves to get her picture taken.



Well, we thought long and hard about giving her solids and decided to just feed her plastic dishes instead.



Actually, my sister, her husband, and their 3 kids are coming to visit in a week and my little 6 -year-old niece wants to feed Scout sooooo bad. I thought it would be okay if I pureed a little bit of sweet potato and let my niece spoon a tiny bit into her mouth, just to make her feel special. If we keep offering her solids after that cute little ceremonial Scout's-first-solids-fed-to-her-by-her-cousin bit, we will go more towards the self-feeding route.

I'm very excited about my sis and her family coming to visit. She is a little less than 2 years younger than me and we've always been extremely close. We shared a room until I was 13 years old. We were in all of the same extracurricular activities through school and often hung out with the same friends. She is my only biological sibling. I have lots of step brothers and sisters, but they all came into my life when they were already adults and I was in my late teens. I moved 900 miles away from my entire family when I was 19, so I guess I never really had a chance to get close to any of my step siblings.

My sister and I had always dreamed about growing up and having kids and living next door to each other. Our kids would be the best of friends and have sleep-overs and we'd all get together and cook hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill on the weekends. It didn't work out that way, which makes me a little sad. But that just makes the time I do get to spend with my sister even more fun. We talk on the phone almost every day and we get to see eachother "in real life" about twice a year. It's just not enough.

They get to stay for 2 weeks, but I know it'll just fly by.

Labels: family, firsts, food, pics of scout

Today was a good day. I spent all day (yesterday and today) alone with my daughter because DH had to go out of town for work. Even though I missed DH's company and help, it was nice to get some one-on-one bonding time with Scout. Not only did I hold her and love on her all day, I also got a few things done around the house, which felt good. I did a few loads of laundry, loaded/unloaded the dishwasher & straightened up the kitchen, and took a shower while Scout was sleeping in her bouncy seat. Okay, so that's not much.....but I still felt productive.

Even though I really enjoyed my mom and grandma's presence, I think I was in need of this time alone so that I could feel more comfortable and confident as a mommy. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and value her advice....and she is certainly not the pushy overbearing type, which I really appreciate.....but now I can wash cloth diapers without her saying, "I just don't see how putting the diapers in there, poop and all, is not going mess your washing machine up." And I can wear Scout around in the Moby Wrap without her asking, "Can she breathe in there??" Now I can nurse her on-demand, even if it's every hour, without my mom constantly suggesting that I give her a pacifier. It was all well-meaning advice, and she definitely didn't try to shove it down my throat, but it just feels good to be a mommy on my own, following my own instincts.

***ETA***
Just had to post some pics of our sweet little daughter playing in the crib where she doesn't sleep. She loves to sit in her Boppy and stare at all the bright colors.

Labels: family

My mom and grandma are leaving today. I am pretty bummed about that. Having them here for the past 4 weeks has been wonderful. I don't know what DH and I would've done without them. They have paid for all our groceries since they've been here. They have bought Scout a ton of outfits. My mom thought we should have Scout's hospital picture, so she bought a $70 photo package for us. Our kitchen floor was pretty dingy and worn out and my mom knew that it bugged me, so she paid for and installed (she's a very handy lady) new flooring in our kitchen last week. She also replaced the screen in our front door and mowed our lawn. They have fed the dog, taken out the trash, done all the laundry and cleaning, made all the meals and paid for any take-out food we've ordered. My mom is a talented seamstress and while she's been here she has made me a gorgeous ring sling (I need to post a pic), she made Scout a hand-smocked gingham jumper, she is in the process of making me some nursing tank tops, she finished a baby quilt I made (I hate putting the backs on quilts), and she painted and personalized a picture frame to hang in Scout's room. When I need to take a shower or grab a bite to eat, they hold Scout for me.

I am nervous about taking care of things around here by myself. I know I have DH to help me, but he has enough stuff on his plate with work. I guess all I can do is my best.....and if I fall behind on everything and the house starts to crumble around me, so be it. The only thing that absolutely needs to be done is feeding and taking good care of our daughter. Anything beyond that is a bonus, I suppose.

I started using cloth diapers yesterday. They fit her pretty well and we didn't experience any leaks or blow-outs or anything......but she HATES the feeling of being wet. I guess she didn't really feel wet in disposables, so even though I was constantly changing her cloth dipes, she was cranky all day. She is normally not fussy during daylight hours, so I knew it had to bethe wetness that was bothering her. She's a pee machine, so that doesn't help either. I put her back in disposables for the night fot her own comfort (and so I could get some sleep). Hopefully, I can get her used to cloth.

Labels: cloth diapering, family

Still feeling like a giant boob, but it doesn't bother me. Like some of you have mentioned, my baby girl is just getting my supply established. I wonder sometimes, though, if she is getting angry when milk comes out and she is just wanting to comfort-suck. I notice sometimes at the end of a feeding that she'll flail around and make herself pop off of my nipple without unlatching first (youch!) and then acts angry and wants the nipple back.....this usually repeats a few times before she gives up....like she's too full, but stll wants to suck.

I'm still not crazy about using the pacifier, although I have given her a Soothie brand one on a few occasions. It just seems like she has to open her mouth wider for the Soothie than with a Nuk....so I thought it would be better for avoiding nipple confusion. She's not fond of any pacifier - I have to force her to take it - so I don't even know why I'm trying....I just need to face the fact that I am her pacifier. And that's alright. I'd do ANYTHING for her.

My mom and Grandma are leaving on Friday and I am really nervous about that. They have been doing ALL of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving, yardwork, etc. I will be lost when they are gone!!!!

Labels: breastfeeding, family

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this in my last post, but man-o-man, is it good to be home! It's been so nice to sleep in my own bed, cuddled up next to DH.

I feel like I'm getting some sort of sinus ickiness. Poop. I had a headache last night and every time I woke up, my nose felt like it had a cork in it. This morning, my throat was sore. I've been taking vitamin C and echinacea like crazy. Hopefully, these symptoms are just a result of me being exhausted from travelling and I will be back to normal in no time.

Here are some more pics from my trip:

My little niece and I:


My sis and my nephew:


My other nephew:


Here are some detailed pics of the high chair my dad gave me:




This is DH and I on our anniversary bowling outing, taken the Saturday before I left for my trip:


Oh yes, and KatherineK, none of the airline staff seemed to notice my big preggo belly.....except for this one lady at the ticket counter when I was checking my bags for the flight home. She was making small talk about her grandchildren and asked me when I'm due. When I told her I'm due in mid-April, she replied, "Oh, so this must be your last flight between now and then, huh?" That comment sort of confused me, because when I looked up the airline's policy before flying, it very clearly stated, "Medical certificate is required if you will be traveling within 4 weeks of your delivery date in a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy. For domestic flights under 5 hours, travel is not permitted within 7 days before and after your delivery date. If you should need to travel within 7 days before or after delivery, a medical certificate is required as well as clearance from our Special Assistance Coordinator."

I'm 28 weeks pregnant, so I could technically still fly without a note from my healthcare provider for 8 more weeks if I wanted to.

I did bring a note from my midwife that stated my EDD just in case someone questioned me, but I never had to show it. As far as I can tell, all airlines have different policies concerning pregnancy, so you might want to go to your specific airline's website to verify their rules.

Labels: belly pics, family, pregnancy whining

Thank you all, for your words of encouragement and being able to relate to my predicament concerning postpartum house guests. It's SO good to know that others have felt the same way I do - like a momma bear in her cave, who doesn't want anyone around her or her little cub. Speaking of which, I find it very interesting that just about every mammal in nature goes off and hides when it's time to give birth. Why should a human mommy be expected to be little-miss-social-hostess immediately after such a trying event? The nicest dog in the world can suddlenly turn into Cujo if you invade her recovery space and touch her newborn young uninvited. Not that we are mere animals.....but there must certainly be a reason for our innate desire to crawl into a hole to be by ourselves after giving birth.

In my opinion, I haven't been crazily hormonal or emotional through the pregnancy thus far. Sure, I have my rotten moods and moments of frustration, just like anyone else. You could double check with my husband, but I'm pretty sure that he would tell you I haven't had any wild mood swings or moments of irrational sadness to speak of. But on this one issue, I feel like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.

One minute, I feel dead-set against having my step-dad come to visit during our first days with the baby....and I even start to have doubts about wanting my mom here to help out. DH IS MY COMFORT ZONE. Period. Part of me thinks that anyone else will make me uncomfortable and I will just want to curl up in bed with him and our new little one for days on end.

The next minute, I feel like I'm being silly and that having my mom and step-dad here will be a good thing. Besides, DH and I can always hole up in the bedroom if we want to while they're here. There is, after all, such a thing as a bedroom door. I mean, really, how bad could it be? Having my mom here to make meals, do dishes, laundry, and other stuff will be SOOOOOOO nice. This sounds very selfish, but I also suspect they will help out with groceries, miscellaneous baby items, and unexpected expenses that may pop up while they're here. If all I have to do is put up with my step-dad's mildly abnoxious neediness for a week or so to gain all the benefits of having my mom here for support, (and his eagerness to help with macho fix-it things around the house may come in handy as well), then that's not too bad.

I flip-flop on the issue almost daily. I'm pretty sure I'm putting too much thought into it, but I can't help it. I just don't want to have an experience like some of you have described in your comments and that I've also read about on pregnancy boards and such.....getting so freaked out and stressed that I flip out and explode in a hormonally-charged meltdown doesn't sound like a fun way to start my first days with a new baby.

I'm going to be totally honest with my mom about my feelings and force her to listen to me....I'll tell her EXACTLY what scares me about having house guests during that time (Well, I'll leave out the part about thinking that my step-dad is loud and abnoxious...that may not go over so well :) and then we can discuss it from there. If she knows how strongly I feel about my privacy and space, I think having them here will actually be tolerable and both DH and I will end up enjoying their company and support. If they know they have to play by MY rules and back off when I need them to, then it shouldn't be a problem, right? DH doesn't seemed frazzled by their impending visit. Maybe he can be my cool level-headed anchor in all of this and neutralize my leave-me-the-crap-alone hormones.

DH asked if I would feel the same way if it were my biological father coming to visit. I didn't hesitate and said, "Absolutely". Something just seems weird to me about having a male around (who isn't my husband and father of the child) after giving birth. But, like I mentioned before, that's why bedroom doors were invented. There may be times that I'll want to retreat and be alone, but there will also undoubtedly be times when I'd like to be social and share the joy of our new baby with my family. I'll be sad if I miss out on that.

Labels: family, general complaining, griping about people, pregnancy

I've mentioned this before, but it's on my mind again and I'm going to have to do something about it soon. My mom has offered to come stay with us when the baby's born to help out w/ the cooking, cleaning, etc. She wants to come down a week before my due date and stay for as long as I feel like I need her help. She told me that she'd even be willing to stay for an entire month, if I feel like I need her help for that long. I am SOOOOOO appreciative of this offer. I know that with my entire family living 900 miles away, I should treasure any special milestone moments like this that I get to share with them. My mom is so excited about helping me decorate the nursery. She is in the process of making the curtains, bumper pads, & and bedding for the crib. (Although I know the crib won't get much use right away). I want her to come and help and I'm excited about her visit....It will be a comfort having my mommy with me during those first few weeks.

The problem is, I DON'T WANT MY STEP-DAD TO COME WITH HER! I know that may sound heartless, but I just keep playing it all out in my mind and I don't think I can handle having a male (other than my husband) staying at my house when I have this baby.

For one thing, DH will probably only be able to get a VERY short vacation from work when the baby is born, and I'm afraid that he'll feel like he has to entertain and go off and do things w/ my step-dad while he's here. I want ALL of DH's attention to be with me and the baby. I think it's important that DH get to bond w/ the baby as much as possible before he has to go back to work...and I can definitely see my step-dad (not purposefully, of course) getting in the way of that.

Another reason I don't want him here is the fact that I will be learning the ins and outs of breastfeeding. If I want to go around my house totally topless during those first few weeks, I want the freedom to do that. If I want to gripe about cramps and bleeding and perineal ouchies, I want the freedom to do that too. My house just won't be MY HOUSE with a male house-guest making me feel all inhibited.

The third (AND PROBABLY BIGGEST) reason I don't want him around is that he is VERY dependent on my mom. He can do things on his own, but when she's around, he suddenly forgets how to do everything. She could be on the opposite end of the house and he'll yell for her from his recliner. When she stops what she's doing to see what he wants, it'll be some silly question like, "What's good on t.v. tonight?" or "Where's the cordless phone?" Granted, she doesn't always put up w/ this non-sense. Sometimes, she gets fed up and says "Go find it yourself!"

He is a super nice guy and I love him to death, but he is very needy. He LOVES to be waited on. When they came to visit a few months ago, I was wondering how on earth she does it! "Hon, where are my socks?" (when they're obviously in the suitcase...same place they were yesterday....duh!) "What's for dinner tonight?" (Harmless question....except that he already asked her twice that day and every time she gave the same answer!)

I think he just gets bored and likes to hear himself talk or something. It's like he doesn't have a filter. The first thing that pops into his mind, he says. That's just the way he's always been. Not only is there no filter, but he is very LOUD as well. I wish you could imagine this. I'm not doing it justice with my description. He is like a cartoon character or a parody. It makes me giggle....until I'm around it for more than 5 hours....then, it just gets old because he is being totally serious and has no idea he's acting that way.

This may seem selfish, but if my mom comes here to help out with the baby, I can see myself getting extremely annoyed if he is tugging on her apron strings the whole time at a billion decibels and I'm having to listen to it.

For the last few months, I've been telling myself that it won't be so bad to have him here and that I'm just being insensitive. After all, he is so nice to us and loves nothing more than to help us out whenever he can. One of the reasons he wants to come down when my mom visits is so he can do little home-improvement projects around our house.

But.....no matter how hard I try, the whole thing just doesn't sit right with me. I'm afraid that with my emotions running high during that stressfull period of adjustment and change, I will totally snap and fly off the handle at him.

So, I tactfully brought the subject up when I was talking to my mom the other day. Actually, I thought the way her side of the conversation was headed, that she was trying to break it to me easy that my step-dad might not be coming down with her. Not so. (sigh)

She was saying that she didn't think he'd want to stay for as long as she wants to stay, so she's trying to convince him to come down separately and only stay for a week and let her drive down by herself and stay as long as I want her too. I interrupted at this point and said "Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about this...." and brought up the fact that I don't know if I'll feel entirely comfortable with another man in the house while I'm recovering from giving birth and learning how to breastfeed.

It felt good to let that out and I thought for sure that I was getting my point across. NOPE. She then cut me off and said, "Oh, honey, stuff like that doesn't bother him. Your step-brother's wife nurses her baby at our house all the time and he just gets up and leaves the room. It's no big deal."

Oh. My. Gosh.

Then I couldn't get a word in edgewise. She just was going on and on about how much he wants to come, but doesn't want to stay for a month but that she's committed to staying here for as I long as I want, so she's not sure what they'll end up doing, yada yada. She obviously did not grasp what I was trying to tell her.

So, I'm going to pitch this idea to my mom and try to be as blunt as possible: Maybe instead of coming down a week before my due date, she can drive down ON my due date (I have a feeling that I'll go past my due date for some reason)....OR immediately AFTER the baby's born. Then, she can stay for 3 or 4 weeks after that. My step-dad can fly down the last week she's here and then drive back with her. By that time, I don't think I'll be quite as hormonal and I'll feel more up to having loud and needy house guests :)

Uuuugghhh. I hate confrontation. I'm not looking forward to bringing this up again, but I HAVE TO. Ideally, I just don't want him here at all. It's not that I don't want to see him, it's just that I will be thinking about other things. DH and I will be wrapped up in being brand new parents for the very first time, and not much else will matter. Everything/everbody else will just be in the way, in my mind. I want my home to be a quiet safe-haven and place of bonding and recovery and learning about our baby in PEACE. This is the only time we'll get to experience bringing a baby home for the first time, and I don't want it to be tainted by a visit that unintentionally feels like an intrusion.

Labels: family, general complaining, griping about people

I need some pics on this boring blog! Well, none tonight. I'm too lazy to think of anything to take a picture of. Maybe tomorrow.

I'm totally ecstatic about a phone call I received from my sister earlier. She called to tell me that she and my mom want to throw me a baby shower in January, so my mom is going to pay for me to fly up to my home town! Sadly, my husband will not be able to take time off work to go. I wish he could, but honestly, baby showers usually aren't much fun for guys anyway. I'll be staying for a week, from January 14th through the 21st and my shower will be on the 20th. I'm sooooooooooo excited! My family usually makes a huge deal of holidays and other special events, so baby showers end up being BIG parties with lots of yummy food and tons of people. Anything I get at my babyshower, my mom is going to keep at her house until she comes in April when the baby's born. She's going to drive her truck again, so she can just load it all up and bring it to me. She even said she'd wash all the baby clothes for me so it's completely ready to put away when she gets here. I know I have some friends here that would probably give me a baby shower, but it will be really special to be surrounded by my family. I guess it's sort of like a wedding - most women look forward to and imagine that big day from the time they're little girls. Honestly, I loved eloping and I wouldn't have had my wedding any other way....but I have to admit that I have always looked forward to my baby shower and the extra attention that pregnant ladies get in my family.

I ate 2 cheeseburgers today: one for lunch from a burger joint a block from my house, and the other just now @ Mc Donald's (it was a double!), for a "snack". Shame, shame. But it's not so bad. I ate tons of veggies today as well. I think this baby's getting a pretty well-balanced diet as a whole.....lots of beans and bread for about 3 or 4 weeks.....then I went on to a little bit of chicken, some vegetables, and lots of eggs & cheese......and now I am in a beef and veggie phase, while chicken looks nasty to me. All along the way I've been eating plenty of high-fiber cereal, drinking a decent amount of water, and taking my vitamins. I wonder what my next food phase will be?

And just for fun, I got this off of Wendy's blog:

There are 160,483 people in the U.S. with my first name.
There are 29,997 people in the U.S. with my last name.
My maiden name must be pretty rare, because it doesn't show up in their database.

Oh crap. after I posted that code, I forgot that this is an anonymous blog and I want to avoid posting my name. I don't mind if you guys know my name, but I'm paranoid that nosey family members could Google my name and somehow find my blog. I don't really know if anyone would do such a thing, but sometimes my MIL can be a little strange like that. And see, that's exactly why I wouldn't want her to read my blog....because then she would know that I think she's a little strange. :)

You can probably figure it out without me typing it, though. My first name rhymes with "Sarah" and is the name of the plantation in Gone With The Wind. Ssshhh....don't tell.

Labels: family, food

Here is a picture my mom took of me at the end of her visit. I was 11 weeks and 5 days. I'm not too fond of the photo for a few reasons:

1) It was a billion degrees in my house and I was all greasy and sweaty.

2) It was late at night and you probably can't tell, but I had a really tired look on my face.

3) I have been wearing sports bras lately to keep my swollen sore boobies contained (they feel so much better that way!), and this picture makes me look soooooooo flat-chested (despite the fact that my chest has grown).

4) I look like a man with his pants hiked up too high! :) And I promise, I don't wear my shirts that short - my mom made me pull it up for the picture.

Aside from all that, I think I look hot! Just kidding. No one ever likes photos of themselves....especially someone who's in that funky in-between stage of pregnancy where it mostly just looks like she's getting fat instead of having a cute round obviously pregnant belly.

My pooch looks bigger in the picture than what it feels like for real. I wasn't standing funny or sticking my gut out, though....but I swear it doesn't look that huge in real life. It's strange because I think the baby is not much larger than a lime at this point....although, my uterus is probably bigger than a large grapefruit. So, that big ol' pooch of mine is mostly bloatedness and fat! :) Ha ha!

Update on my sister's surrogacy experience:

My sis is about 7 weeks along in her pregnancy, I think. She is feeling really nauseous, has diarrhea and a bad head cold. Ick! She works full time as a Respiratory Therapist at a hospital and has 3 little ones. I don't know how she does it! She did call in sick yesterday and doesn't have to work again until Saturday night, so she's trying to rest a little. She usually works 3 12 hour shifts a week and it's starting to get to her. I'm not sure how she can keep up that pace while pregnant....and she's usually on her feet the whole 12 hours! I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but she's only carrying a singleton. My family (myself included) is very relieved about that. Everything is normal and healthy. She's had about a ba-jillion ultrasounds, which kind of concerns me. She knows that I'm choosing not to have ANY ultrasounds (if I can help it) and I think that she looks at me like I'm a paranoid weirdo. :) Not really. She just trusts the medical establishment and thinks that if there were any danger, doctors and nurses would know and warn patients. I won't get into what I think about that. She is very medically-minded, though, and I guess she doesn't see anything wrong with having an ultrasound every 2 weeks. Well, it's also not her baby and since the fertility clinic that's handling the surrogacy suggests that she go every 2 weeks for a sonogram until 12 weeks, that's what she's been doing. I think after that, they just do the regular 20 week u/s and not sure how many they'll order after that. Oh well, I'm sure I AM being a paranoid freak and everything will be fine. They still have her on progesterone shots until 16 weeks. My mom was talking to me about the whole thing when she was here visiting. She is supportive, but her main concern is that with work and feeling pregnant and ill, my sister's own children are going to get slighted. My mom assured me that if she sees my sister beginning to get cranky and impatient with her kids or neglecting them in any way because of the pregnancy, she will step in and have a talk with her. Even though I'm happy my sister is getting to do something she feels so strongly about, I'm glad that my mom will keep an eye on how her grandchildren are affected.

I'm wondering how everything will play out when it gets close to the time when we're both due. She is about 5 weeks behind me, and I'm assuming that she will need our mom to watch her kids while she travels to the town where the real parents live to give birth. The baby's parents really want her to come to them when it's time to give birth and she agreed to that, but it seems to me it would be more fair for my sister to be able to stay where she is and let the baby's parents come to her. Oh well, guess my sis has her reasons. Anyway, my mom told me that she would stay with me for as long as I thought I needed her help after my baby comes, even if it's as long as a month! I'm not sure how long I'll want her to stay when the time comes, but I admit that I get a little jealous to think that she may have to rush home to take care of my sister's kids sooner than I want her to leave. My sister has had my mom there to help her after all 3 of her births....and she has her at her disposal all year 'round. The selfish part of me thinks that my mom should stay with me regardless of when my sister has to travel because it's my turn to have her undivided attention. But then, the UNselfish part of me thinks it's no big deal and even if my mom has to leave before I want her to, I won't take it personally and let my feelings get hurt over it....it's just a matter of timing that may or may not work out. Besides, DH and I have been so blessed to be able to have children on our own. My sister is doing this for a couple that CAN'T have children on their own, and it would be pretty selfish of me to get my panties in a bunch over her needing my mom's help to give life to this couple's child. I'll do my best to make the UNselfish me win this one. :)

Labels: belly pics, family, pregnancy, pregnancy whining, surrogacy

Sorry for the super long hiatus. My parents left early yesterday morning and I didn't find time to do my usual daily post while they were here.

We had a great visit. We didn't do anything too eventful - just relaxed, ate, and shopped - but it was still really nice. Oh yeah, and my mom & stepdad are FREAKS about yard work. They LOVE anything that has to do with landscaping, so my mom pulled every single weed around the perimeter of our house (and that was no small task, mind you!) and trimmed all the shrubbery. My stepdad mowed the ditch that DH didn't get a chance to mow before they got here and also did some little home-improvement projects inside the house. He re-wired some lightswitches that had been wired wrong, "helped" my husband fix my mom's laptop (and by "help", I mean stood behind him and asked a billion questions in an abnoxious yet cute sort of way :), and helped DH put insulation under our bathtub. It was a regular fix-up fest....and I wasn't allowed to help. Every time I bent over to help my mom bag lawn clippings, she yelled at me to stop. Hee hee. I kept telling her that I didn't invite them to come stay with us so they could spend the whole week working on our house, but she insisted that yard work is relaxing for her and that my stepdad would be lost and bored without a few projects to keep him occupied. Here's the house now:


I wish I would've taken a "before" pic....it was a jungle!

They drove here and brought a whole truckload of stuff for us: a crib, a car seat, a baby swing, misc. other baby items, a solid oak t.v. armoir for our bedroom, and all my "Growing Up Girls" figurines that I accumulated over the years.




I bought this adorable Melissa & Doug wooden toy food set on one of our shopping excursions. I know it'll be a while 'til our baby is old enough to have fun with it, but it was half-off and I just love wooden toys like this!



My parents seemed to enjoy coming to church with us. I was initially a little nervous about that because our song service tends to be a bit loud and exhuberant and my stepdad is pretty traditional and isn't too fond of "rock" music. But they said they liked it a lot. Maybe my sister's also non-traditional church has broken them in a little bit :)

I miss them already and was sad to see them leave. The week went by so fast!!! But my mom is planning on coming back up in April when the baby's born. I have a whole issue surrounding that situation, which you can read about HERE. I'm sure I can get that resolved without hurting anyone's feelings, though. I'll just have to be tactful and explain my reasoning.

Well, I'm back to babysitting! The kiddo's daddy took some vacation time and watched him all week. I think it was probably really good for them to get some father-son bonding time in. Originally, his grandma was going to babysit all week, but that didn't work out. I feel sort of guilty that the daddy had to use up so much vacation time so I could spend the week with my parents.....but then again, they've known that I needed this past week off for about 4 months now, so I figure that's plenty of time to line up another sitter. Kiddo's sitting on the couch watching a video right now, quietly munching on some cheerios while I catch up on my blog. What a patient kid!



***ETA***
Oh yes, and I almost forgot to add that DH started his new job today! He is making considerably less than he was making at the company where he worked for 6 years, but it is worth it. He will be doing computer tech work, which is what he loves. His boss told him that he hires everyone in at that modest rate and then raises their wages when he can evaluate their worth. I'm confident that they will be fair and pay DH a good amount. Plus, DH eventually wants to work at our church full time, and the experience he will be getting at this job will be perfect for preparing him for that. Can't wait to hear how it went!

Labels: family, my house