Last night we were hanging out with some childless friends and I was kind of picking up the vibe that one of my friends did not approve of some of my parenting choices. I mean, she wasn't really saying or doing anything too blatant...just some of her expressions made me think that she thinks I'm too much of a softy with Scout. I had attempted to put Scout to bed at 8:30, but it didn't work. I'm sure my friend could hear the screaming and whining and my shushing and singing from the other room, before I gave up and brought Scout back out to play.

My friend: Is it because we're here?
Me: Well, no - not really. Her nose is just so stuffy - she's all snorkly when she lays down and I think she's having a hard time getting comfortable. Also, I think I left the room too fast. She wasn't quite asleep when I tried to sneak out after nursing her, so she saw me and got scared and started screaming.
My friend: {rolling eyes}

Also, when Scout was exploring the room and playing, if she touched something she wasn't really supposed to or headed in a direction where she shouldn't go, my friend would say "no!" really loudly and with authority. She was kind of making a joke out of it - telling me that's how she has to get her kindergarten kids to listen (she's a student teacher) - by annunciating "no" very clearly and signing it at the same time. I guess she thought it was the appropriate thing to do, since she knows we are teaching Scout signs.

I'm just not quite as strict with Scout. Don't get me wrong, I do tell her "no" (seems like I've been having to do that a lot lately) ....but I don't usually raise my voice and if she is not getting into anything dangerous or being purposefully disobedient, I simply redirect her and offer her something else to play with. I try to see the world through her eyes. She is curious and wants to explore. I can't fault her for that. I definitely want to teach her boundaries and make her understand that there are things that she needs to stay away from and refrain from touching for her own good. I don't want to let her do EVERYTHING she wants simply to keep the peace. But I am learning that it is wise to pick my battles.

My friend would seem frustrated with Scout when she was trying to read her a story and Scout would want to grab the book out of her hand or turn the page before she was finished reading a sentence. Also done in a joking manner, but loud and authoritative nonetheless, she would say, "No! I am reading the book. WAIT until I am done." When Scout does the same thing to me, I just turn it into a game and say, "The end!" cheerfully every time she closes the book mid-sentence...and Scout giggles and we have fun.

I don't think my friend realizes that there is a vast difference between kindergarteners and 1-year-olds.

Keep in mind that we are close enough friends that if I felt like she was crossing the line with Scout or if she said something that really bothered me, I wouldn't even hesitate to bring it up. And it would be totally fine and wouldn't ruin our friendship at all because we are very comfortable with eachother.

Her actions didn't necessarily bother me or make me mad....they simply made me realize how much I've had to adjust my thinking since having a child of my own. It made me realize that I've had to eat many, many of the words I said back in my babysitting days.

I used to get irritated with Bob's mom for some of the silliest things and I had a lot of thoughts that began with, "When I have a child he/she will...." or "When I'm a mom, I won't do that, I'll...."

Ha! Man, oh man....have I had to chew up some of those judgmental sentences and gulp them down hard! It is easy for a childless person to say what they would or wouldn't do with their own children. It is easy to want to be strict and merciless with another person's rambuctious toddler when you haven't been the one to nurture and love that child since they were a teeny newborn baby. I may even go so far as to say that I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with anyone who has not had children of their own babysitting Scout on a regular basis. It's not that it bothers me for other people to correct my child....but I would much rather that gentle (but firm) discipline to come from someone who is looking through the eyes of a parent's love. I know if I had it to do all over again, I would've given Bob a lot more hugs and kisses. I would've used his playful curiosity as a tool for learning instead of mainly being annoyed by him getting into everything. I would've been more patient and understanding with both him and his mom. (in my defense, though, I was pregnant, tired, and hormonal, so I'm sure that attributed to my short fuse at least a little bit)

{Sigh} You live and learn, I suppose. Someday, my childless friend will know what it means to be a mother and she will have to munch on a lot of her words as well.

Labels: babysitting, deep thoughts, discipline, friends, griping about people, tough parenting decisions

Lately, I have been trying to teach Scout to stay away from the dog's bowls. On more than one occasion, I have caught her putting dog food in her mouth, which doesn't really gross me out as much as it scares me because the pieces are perfect choking size and they're way too hard for her to chew up. Anyway, whenever she is making a bee-line for the dog's food and water, it's my first inclination to just pick the bowls up and put them on the counter.

But I would rather TEACH her that the bowls are a no-no, even if it requires more work on my part. So, every time she darts straight for the bowls, I say "no" firmly to her and redirect her to play with something else. And it's actually working! She does get pretty mad when I do that, but she quickly forgets about it and gets interested in whatever thing I directed her attention toward.

Now, most of the time I don't even have to redirect her because she'll go over to the bowls, get really close and then she looks over at me and shakes her head and crawls away! I guess whenever I tell her that the dog food is a no-no, I must shake my head. She also shakes her head randomly just for fun throughout the day, so I suppose I shouldn't be so amazed....but still, that just seems like a smart thing to do. Yay Scout!

I'm sure that her impulse control is not the best, so I doubt if she could resist without me in the room with her. I think it's more like a game at this point...like, "Hey, if I stop and don't touch the bowl but look all cute and shake my head instead, mommy claps and smiles." .....but I'm still proud of her and it's so much fun to watch her learn.

Labels: discipline, firsts, teaching