Warning: Sad and Depressing
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I don't know why, but I've been visiting the "Grief and Loss" board on Mothering.com quite a bit lately. I guess what initially led me there was a horrible tragedy that befell one of the mommas in my Due Date Club there. Her baby girl was born the same day as Scout and ended up dying of SIDS at 3 months of age. I'd be lying if I told you that I haven't been a total freak about checking on Scout while she is napping since then. Sometimes I'll stare intently at her to watch for breathing. If I don't see it right away, I'll either place my hand on her chest or put my finger under her nostrils. I feel silly every time I do it. But I keep doing it anyway.
I'm not sure why I put myself through it....reading some of these stories on the Grief and Loss board is absolutely heartbreaking. Maybe it's one of those things like when there's a gruesome car wreck and you can't make yourself look away, even though you really don't want to see. Some of the mommas who have lost their babies have posted pics of them in their little caskets. I should stop looking at such things. It makes me physically ill. Seriously. I just wanted to vomit when I saw the pic of the little baby who shared Scout's birthday at her funeral, with her older siblings around the casket. Sorry. I'm probably making you ill right now by telling you this.
Maybe one of the reasons I read these mommas' stories and visit their blogs and look at their pictures is because it makes me appreciate what I have even more than I already do. When Scout wakes up from her nap after I've been reading about these awful tragedies, I just want to cry tears of joy that I have my little girl here with me and she is happy and healthy. It also makes me realize how absolutely fragile life is and how I squander my time and energy on really stupid things. I should be trying to enrich the lives of others. I should be more giving and selfless. I should be more in love with the Father in Heaven. I should spend my life on things that are really important.
Uughh. Sorry. This post is morbid and depressing.
Have a great day!
I'm not sure why I put myself through it....reading some of these stories on the Grief and Loss board is absolutely heartbreaking. Maybe it's one of those things like when there's a gruesome car wreck and you can't make yourself look away, even though you really don't want to see. Some of the mommas who have lost their babies have posted pics of them in their little caskets. I should stop looking at such things. It makes me physically ill. Seriously. I just wanted to vomit when I saw the pic of the little baby who shared Scout's birthday at her funeral, with her older siblings around the casket. Sorry. I'm probably making you ill right now by telling you this.
Maybe one of the reasons I read these mommas' stories and visit their blogs and look at their pictures is because it makes me appreciate what I have even more than I already do. When Scout wakes up from her nap after I've been reading about these awful tragedies, I just want to cry tears of joy that I have my little girl here with me and she is happy and healthy. It also makes me realize how absolutely fragile life is and how I squander my time and energy on really stupid things. I should be trying to enrich the lives of others. I should be more giving and selfless. I should be more in love with the Father in Heaven. I should spend my life on things that are really important.
Uughh. Sorry. This post is morbid and depressing.
Have a great day!
Labels: sadness
posted by Unkempt Mommy at 12:07 PM
3 Comments:
Sweetie, it is good to acknowledge others' grief, and to recognize what you have, but please oh please don't let it take away from your everyday joy in ordinary life! Just don't try too hard, OK?
Annika, you are right. Reading all that stuff really gets to me and puts a damper on my whole mood. I don't know why I feel drawn to it. I definitely need to step away from it or at least strictly limit the amount of time I spend on that discussion board.
Leave it to me to find such a weird way to pass the time :)
You just made me go in and look at Bailey and smile. Don't lose yourself to the "what could happens." But it's a good reminder to enjoy every moment! And yes, I check her breathing sometimes while she's sleeping :)
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