Well, I didn't finish my list. Drat. I knew better than to think I would actually work in the yard.

Labels: household chores

To Do List:

- Go to the post office to pick up the diapers I ordered. DONE

- Go to the grocery store to get stuff to make DH's lunches, some milk, and bananas. DONE (Plus stuff to make tacos tonight for some pals that are coming over.)

- Finish cleaning up the kitchen. (Unload dishwasher, wash remaining dishes, and wipe down counters) DONE...but now it's all messy again, after entertaining. Oh well...it can wait until tomorrow!

- Do as much laundry as I can today.....and try not to leave the last load in the dryer to get all wrinkled :) DONE (The third load of clothes are drying right now and I've also washed my new diapers twice so far)

- Rake leaves in the front yard.

- Work on song I've been writing.

- Read Genesis chapters 5-10


That should keep me busy enough.....especially raking the leaves. I hate raking leaves. I've also never tried to do any yard work whatsoever while watching a toddler. It should be rather interesting, as we don't have a fence and this little dude is fast! I may end up spending more time chasing him around than actually getting any work done.

Labels: household chores

According to MyHeritage.com, I look like these celebrities. Meh. I don't see it, but I did want to be just like Kelly Kapowski when I was 12, so I'll take it!



So, who do you look like?

Labels: dumb quiz

Oops. I kind of got distracted there for a bit. I ended up on MySpace and got lost there for 2 days. I don't know how to explain the other 4 days I was away from bloggerville....just busy goofing off, I guess.

I used to be in an all-girl military style Baton and Drum Corp when I was younger and one of my fellow former members contacted me to let me know they have a MySpace page. I started following this neverending rabbit trail of sites and found a ton of people I went to high school with. I've spent the last few days updating my Myspace page and catching up with old pals. It's been pretty fun. Time-wasting and pointless...yet fun. I want to post a link to my page, but I fear losing my anonymity. If I didn't talk crap about people on my blog, I wouldn't have to worry about that, now would I? Well....even if I hadn't complained about friends and family on here, I still wouldn't want any of them to find it. Everyone has an opinion about parenting choices and I like being able to write freely and homebirth, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and other "weird" things like that without a barrage of comments from naysaying relatives.

I'm making beef stew for dinner. Yum. I love soup weather.

Of course, it doesn't look totally delicious yet, since it had just started cooking when I took the pic....but if you scratch your computer screen and sniff, you can smell its steamy yumminess. Not really.

Labels: food

I need some pics on this boring blog! Well, none tonight. I'm too lazy to think of anything to take a picture of. Maybe tomorrow.

I'm totally ecstatic about a phone call I received from my sister earlier. She called to tell me that she and my mom want to throw me a baby shower in January, so my mom is going to pay for me to fly up to my home town! Sadly, my husband will not be able to take time off work to go. I wish he could, but honestly, baby showers usually aren't much fun for guys anyway. I'll be staying for a week, from January 14th through the 21st and my shower will be on the 20th. I'm sooooooooooo excited! My family usually makes a huge deal of holidays and other special events, so baby showers end up being BIG parties with lots of yummy food and tons of people. Anything I get at my babyshower, my mom is going to keep at her house until she comes in April when the baby's born. She's going to drive her truck again, so she can just load it all up and bring it to me. She even said she'd wash all the baby clothes for me so it's completely ready to put away when she gets here. I know I have some friends here that would probably give me a baby shower, but it will be really special to be surrounded by my family. I guess it's sort of like a wedding - most women look forward to and imagine that big day from the time they're little girls. Honestly, I loved eloping and I wouldn't have had my wedding any other way....but I have to admit that I have always looked forward to my baby shower and the extra attention that pregnant ladies get in my family.

I ate 2 cheeseburgers today: one for lunch from a burger joint a block from my house, and the other just now @ Mc Donald's (it was a double!), for a "snack". Shame, shame. But it's not so bad. I ate tons of veggies today as well. I think this baby's getting a pretty well-balanced diet as a whole.....lots of beans and bread for about 3 or 4 weeks.....then I went on to a little bit of chicken, some vegetables, and lots of eggs & cheese......and now I am in a beef and veggie phase, while chicken looks nasty to me. All along the way I've been eating plenty of high-fiber cereal, drinking a decent amount of water, and taking my vitamins. I wonder what my next food phase will be?

And just for fun, I got this off of Wendy's blog:

There are 160,483 people in the U.S. with my first name.
There are 29,997 people in the U.S. with my last name.
My maiden name must be pretty rare, because it doesn't show up in their database.

Oh crap. after I posted that code, I forgot that this is an anonymous blog and I want to avoid posting my name. I don't mind if you guys know my name, but I'm paranoid that nosey family members could Google my name and somehow find my blog. I don't really know if anyone would do such a thing, but sometimes my MIL can be a little strange like that. And see, that's exactly why I wouldn't want her to read my blog....because then she would know that I think she's a little strange. :)

You can probably figure it out without me typing it, though. My first name rhymes with "Sarah" and is the name of the plantation in Gone With The Wind. Ssshhh....don't tell.

Labels: family, food

We went to see the midwife and back-up doc today. It was our most exciting appointment yet! For one thing, I've only gained 2 lbs in the last month. That's enough to throw a party for in itself! Oh yes, and we also GOT TO HEAR THE BABY'S HEARTBEAT! Woohoo! It was amazing to hear it steadily wooshing away, loud and clear. The midwife said it was about 150 bpm. My husband recorded it with his fancy phone and turned it into an mp3 file. You can click HERE to listen to it. It's probably not that interesting to anyone else, but the novelty has not worn off for me yet. I'm really thankful that DH thought fast enough to record it.

My uterus is well above my pubic bone by now, so it was easily palpable when the midwife and her apprentice felt my abdomen. It measured at a little over 14 1/2, which is just about right since I am 14 weeks and 1 day today. After our appointment with the midwife, we went down the road to meet our back-up doctor. I felt so comfortable with her. She LOVES midwifery and all things that have to do with natural birth. She used to be a midwife before she became an OB/GYN and had 3 out of 4 of her children at home, UNASSISTED....and that was before she became a midwife! She backs up a lot of the midwives in the area and is a wonderful advocate for homebirth/birthcenter births. I had a pap smear done and the nurse offered to do a Doppler, but I declined since I had just had one done @ the midwife's office. After my exam, the doc sent me over to the lab to get my standard pregnancy panel done. The doctor said she is proud of us for making the choices we've made about childbirth and she was wondering how we came to the decision to deliver at a birthcenter with a midwife. I told her that I'm not exactly sure how we came to embrace this choice, but it immediately seemed like the right thing to do. My family is pretty "conventional" about pregnancy and birth, so I was raised to think that birth always had to be some big medical event. Beats me how I came to a different conclusion. I knew a long time before conceiving that I would like to shoot for a drug-free, epidural-free birth outside of a hospital. My husband is the one who originally brought up the option of homebirth, which I think is very cool. I've heard/read about a lot of women who have trouble getting their husbands on board with the idea of birthing outside of a hospital, so I'm thankful that DH supports and encourages it.

I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what, but I'm feeling especially sappy about my wonderful husband. It has been really nice having him right there with me during my appointments. I feel like this baby and I are being very well taken care of and I'm very grateful for that. I can't imagine going through this journey with anyone else.

I praise the Lord for the healthy little person who is growing in my belly. I am so blessed to be the "vehicle" for such a wonderful thing! It's even more amazing than I thought it would be. Can you tell that the appointment today really gave me a little boost of confidence and peace?

Labels: midwife, pregnancy, pregnancy milestones, prenatal appointment

One of my readers requested some positive parenting stories, since I've only shared some pretty depressing ones at this point. You're totally right. The good parents are so worth mentioning and they always get overshadowed by stories of neglect and bad choices. Hhhhmmm....let's see..... I know several excellent parents, but one couple in particular stands out in my mind.

We'll call them Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill are raising their child, um....Pete... in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Pete is now almost 3 years old and they have taught him how to say "yes sir" and " yes ma'am" when daddy or mommy (or another adult)asks him to do something. These parents really seem to have a grip on BALANCE. Pete is constantly loved on and hugged and encouraged. There is just so much genuine love in that family and you can see it when they interact with one another. On the flipside, Jack and Jill are not afraid of being stern with Pete when the situation warrants. When he has a temper with mommy and starts getting an attitude, Jack steps in and lets the little boy know that it is NOT okay to speak to mommy that way and teaches Pete to apologize. Jack and Jill show a level of respect for one another that most young couples are lacking and I think it is so great that Pete will grow up seeing the way a husband and wife should truly treat eachother. I also notice that if Pete is getting selfish with a toy or running around where he's not supposed to (You know, normal toddler antics), Jack or Jill quietly pulls him aside, gets down to eye-level with him and explains why he shouldn't do those things and warns him that he needs to stop. They say it with such love, but you can tell that Pete respects them and knows they mean business.

Jill spends so much time with Pete, teaching him letters and numbers, reading to him, and just playing games with him. This kid seems so much smarter than a lot of children his age, and I'm positive it's because of all the effort his parents put into their childrearing. Every family has their share of problems, and I bet they're not perfect, but the fact remains that a tree shall be known by its fruit.

Something that another young dad I know said just came to my mind. He said that he almost never raises his voice at his children. Even when they're being incredibly rambunctious and wild, he speaks to them sternly, but calmly.....again, getting down to eye-level and speaking to them like they are people. It's not that his children are never punished or chastened - they are just never screamed at in an emotional outburst. When most parents' anger and irritation would probably come through in their voices, he keeps his cool while laying down the law and doesn't look perturbed at all. It's the way I imagine God must be with us.

When you think about it, we should parent exactly the way the Father in Heaven parents us. We should be consistent and hold fast to the rules that we have set before our children, but show a tremendous amount of love and forgiveness. Our arms should be a safehaven and a sanctuary for our children to cry, regroup, rejoice, or just rest and enjoy our presence. We should also set boundaries that may not seem fair to our children, but enforce them simply because we love our children and know what is best for them. We should take delight in making our children happy and fulfilling their desires every chance we get, but not at the expense of the health of their spirit and character. It's a lot to live up to and it's sobering to think that my husband and I are going to be entrusted with such a responsibility....but it's so exciting too! It's exciting to know that we have the power to give someone a good childhood, filled with love and joy. I am grateful for that opportunity. In a world where so many people DON'T get a good start and DON'T have loving parents, we can strive to make sure our child is NOT one of those people.

Labels: friends, spirituality

This weekend was pretty nice and relaxing. Fiday night we went and had dinner at our friend's house and had taco soup along with the pumpkin pie I made. We played the card game "Phase 10", which is really fun, for those of you who have never played it. Oh my goodness, I ended up eating 5 pieces of pumpkin pie in 2 days. Shame on me!

Saturday we had breakfast with some friends and had a little Bible study afterwards. We're planning on reading the Bible all the way through, 5 chapters at a time, discussing it along the way. I've never read the Bible from start to finish (seems like I always fizzle out around Numbers or Deuteronomy:), so I'm excited about finally doing that....even though it will take a very long time. Then, we just ran some errands and hung out at home the rest of the evening.

Yesterday we went to church, then went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. I ate tons of chips, salsa, and queso blanco....along with 2 beef enchiladas and a beef taco. Oh yes, did I mention that I have been in quite a beef-lovin' mood lately? Strange, since ALL meat grossed me out for several weeks at the beginning of the pregnancy. Chicken's still not sounding so great, though. We went to the evening service @ church, then came back to our house with several of our friends and played Pictionary. We stayed up entirely too late, but we had a lot of fun. I'm not sure how much all that's going to change when the baby comes, so I guess it's good that we have late nights with our friends while we can. :)

I am 14 weeks pregnant today. Tomorrow is our 3rd appointment with the midwife and we'll also meet with our back-up doctor. I'm pretty tempted to just go ahead and listen for the heartbeat with the Doppler tomorrow. I just think it would be so cool to hear it. It would make the idea that there is a little person growing inside me a lot more real....although I am almost positive that I've been feeling that little person flip-flopping around in there. I'm past the stage where I just blame it on gas....it's a very recognizable flutter that happens mostly when I am laying in bed trying to fall asleep. Yesterday after clapping, singing, and moving around during our song service at church, I sat down to hear the sermon and could feel quite a bit of movement. Maybe the loud music had something to do with it.

I'm starting to justify using the Doppler at this next appointment because a lot of people listen for the heartbeat w/ the Doppler at every single prenatal appointment, which could easily add up to over a dozen times or more....along with 1 or 2 (or more)sonograms on top of that. With that in mind, it doesn't seem so bad to go ahead and use it just for this one appointment, since we're going to use the fetoscope through the rest of the pregnancy and have opted to skip the "routine" 20 week ultrasound altogether.

I got to hold a two-week old baby the other day. It was so wonderful and amazing, yet sad at the same time. The baby's mother claims she did not find out that she was pregnant until she was 38 weeks along. Although It's sort of hard to believe that she didn't at least suspect that something was going on all that time, I do believe how it could be possible. She is pretty overweight and has a top-heavy shaped body, so she was quite large around the middle anyway. She said that she spotted through the whole pregnancy and since she has irregular cycles anyway, she didn't think anything of it. She ended up going to the doctor because she said her stomach felt "hard" and she was afraid she might have a growth or a tumor. That's when she found out that she was pregnant and she had the baby a week and a half later. She is quite the "partier" so I know that she drank through the whole pregnancy and did not take care of herself at all. He appears to be healthy and she said that the doc gave him a clean bill of health at his 2 week check-up that morning. That's good. She's a friend of a friend....I don't really KNOW her....I actually do remember her from a crowd that DH and I used to drink with, but I don't think she remembered me. It is so sad for the poor little baby. She just seems so disconnected from him. She dropped by my friend's when I was over there exercising and seemed anxious to get that little baby out of her arms. She did not hesitate at all to hand me his bottle of formula so I could feed him. He was rooting around and crying and when my friend (who also has a new baby) mentioned that he looked hungry, the momma said "Oh, his bottle's in the car. I was just going to have my mom handle that when I get to her house in a little while." We convinced her to bring the bottle inside. I don't know anything about formula or the temperature it's supposed to be, but she brought this bottle of water in from her cold vehicle and then just dumped the powder in, shook it up, and had me feed the baby with it cold. I always thought that you're supposed to warm a baby's bottle up. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. It wasn't necessarily the fact that she was anxious to let others hold her newborn or that she seemed fine with a virtual stranger feeding her 2 week old child that bothered me....it was her overall attitude. She just wasn't excited at all. I guess she hasn't really had a chance to get excited about it. She is unmarried and not "with" the father of the child at this time. In fact, she doesn't even want to tell him that he has a child now. I hope she gets adjusted to motherhood and that precious baby gets the best in life, despite its rough beginnings.

Labels: friends, griping about people, pregnancy, spirituality

I went and exercised with a couple friends of mine today because I didn't have to babysit. It was the first time I've done anything remotely physical in forever and it felt great! I didn't over-do it, though. In fact, I sat out during the whole last half of the pilates video because they were doing some intense stomach crunch type things and push-ups. Since I haven't been exercising and I really didn't exercise that often before I was pregnant (aside from walking and riding the exercise bike), I decided it would be a bad idea to suddenly start doing crazy contortionist moves at this stage of the game.

These two friends that I worked out with just had babies a few weeks ago. Well, one was 7 weeks ago and the other was 5 or 6 weeks ago, I think. They had their tiny little babies with them and they were so precious! One of the gals breastfed for the first 6 weeks and then decided to stop because it was really inconvenient. That made me sort of sad. But it also made me feel very blessed that I will have all the time in the world to establish a good breastfeeding relationship with my baby and give it the best shot I can. The reason it was inconvenient for her is because she owns her own business and went back to work a couple weeks ago. I'm certainly no expert, but it sounds like where she may have gone wrong is when she started feeding the baby bottles pretty early on. She would pump breastmilk so her husband and MIL could feed the baby and I think that may have messed up her supply a little. I've read that if you don't breastfeed the baby on demand, your supply can get whacked out and you may not end up producing as much that way. She said that she felt like she was pumping all day long and he ate so much that she could barely keep up. She gave up and went to formula last week. It does seem like it would be extremely difficult to breastfeed and work at the same time. I guess that's nature's way of saying that it's best for momma to stay home. Well, at least her baby did get those important momma-milk nutrients for the first several weeks of his life, so that's good. My other friend went straight to formula and didn't even take a shot at breastfeeding. Oh well. To each, their own. I need to get a bunch of crunchy hippy momma friends IRL!

It's super nice and cold here today....and cloudy...mmmm...it feels like Fall! I love it. My Autumn mood made me buy ingredients to make a couple pumpkin pies to take over to a friends house tomorrow. We live like a block away from this lady we go to church with and we never visit eachother, so we decided it would be nice to finally get together for dinner since we're neighbors and all.

As for the rest of the day, I think I'm going to sew, read a little, and maybe....just MAYBE, if I feel especially motivated, I might go out and rake some leaves. Maybe.

Labels: breastfeeding, exercise, friends

Lately I have really been liking the name Ruby for a little girl. It is classic and simple, but still unusual. It would never get mispronounced and I could picture it on a cute round-faced little toddler, as well as mature adult. Not like it sways my opinion either way, but ruby is also my birthstone.

It's difficult for me to let go of the name Tallulah, though. That is the first girl name that I picked and it has stayed with me. I guess it's a good plan to have several names in my arsenal, just in case we have a girl and the name we pick prior to birth doesn't seem to suit her.

Labels: baby names

I just started reading Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize today. It has been sitting on my computer desk for a while now and I wish I would've picked it up sooner. A friend of mine gave it to me when I went to her daughter's 1st birthday party and said that the author has some interesting perspectives about God's promises concerning pregnancy and childbirth.

I've only read the first couple of chapters, but so far it is very uplifting. It is the story of Mize and her husband as they choose to have faith in God's Word against all odds. While the world was telling them that they could not have children and even if they conceived, they would be bound to miscarry, they believed that God had a better plan for them. Not only did God bless them with 4 beautiful children, He showed Mize in His Word that pregnancy/childbirth does NOT have to be a fearful, miserable, and painful experience.

Reading her story made me realize that I need to stay away from the forums at Mothering.com. I mean, I already knew that I spend way too much time there, but now I really need to STAY AWAY altogether for a long time. God's Word says:

"Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper."
-Psalm 1:1-3

Okay, I know that those are strong words....it sounds like I am calling everyone on MDC "ungodly". While I know that there are some great bible-believing ladies on MDC, most of the counsel I find on those boards is NOT godly counsel that lines up with God's Word. I have learned a lot while visiting forums like that, but I have also become inundated with stories of fear, negativity, and worry.

I don't want to be unrealistic and look at the world through rose-colored glasses, but I know that God's promises for His children are amazing. He offers so much more than what the world can offer me. The world offers uncertainty and fear. The world says that God condones (even causes) sickness, disease, and poverty......and frankly, His Word states the opposite. Through faith in His Word, mountains can be moved and the impossible becomes possible.

I want to feed my mind and my spirit with words of hope and peace instead of the junk I have been feasting on lately.

Speaking of feeding myself junk, I ate an entire bag of Gummi Worms the other day in like 20 minutes. Well, DH did get a few, but I'm surprised he could even get his hand in the bag at all, with the way I was scarfing them down. :)

Labels: pregnancy, spirituality

I can't think of anything to write about....hhhmmmm.

My mom sent me some maternity jeans that she bought from eBay, but they are too small. Poo! They are XL....and too small....and I'm only 13 weeks pregnant. What a huge rear I must have! hee hee :) Really, I think it must be the brand ("Babyology")because Old Navy XL maternity stuff is pretty big on me. But, I have a plan. I think I'm going to sew some patches of interesting fabrics together, rip out the side seams of the jeans and insert the strips of patches to make the jeans wider and more comfy. I've done that before with another pair of jeans and it worked out fairly well. OR.....I could leave them alone and try to get thin enough to fit into them AFTER the baby is born. :) Hhmmph.

Not much else going on here. I'm in our Christmas choir at church and we start practicing tonight. I've loved being in choir since I was in the 5th grade, so it should be pretty fun.

Oh yes, and I think I'm going to start referring to the little boy I babysit as "Bob"....just because it's much easier than typing out "the little boy I babysit" every time. I'd really like to sew today while I'm babysitting, but my sewing area is in a room that is not very toddler friendly. Basically, I use that room (what will be the baby's room) as a storage area for everything that Bob should not be playing with....my guitar, stacks of fabric and other sewing stuff, etc. I guess sewing's out of the question today, since I don't feel like dragging my sewing machine and table into the livingroom....and even then, I think it may spark Bob's curiosity too much and he would just want to touch and pull on whatever I'm sewing. Obviously, many mommas sew and do crafty projects while having their small children around, so there must be a way to do it....but Bob is very rambunctious and I don't think I would have the patience to sew while trying to teach him not to touch things. I should probably try it anyway....he may surprise me.

Labels: babysitting, clothes, pregnancy

We brought home a new addition to our family today! Isn't she...um...'it'.. ...cute? DH used to have a fancy set of electronic drums. Not like cheesy 80's sounding synthesizer drums (although you could make them sound like that), but super pricey top-of-the-line electronic drums. They were perfect because we live very close to a little old lady. I could probably throw a wadded up kleenex out our family room window and hit the side of her house, so being able to play drums that plug into headphones was a very practical choice.

Well, during the confusing time when DH was switching jobs and whatnot, he decided that it made sense to turn that sweet set of drums into a pile of cash just in case we found ourselves in a bad financial spot. Poor guy.....a responsible father-to-be, selling prized musical instruments for his family .....So sweet! This is the first time he has been without a drum set in 15 years and I bet that's a pretty sad state for someone who loves to play the drums as much as he does.

We have some extra money set aside because, thank our awesome Lord, we did not fall on hard times financially...even when DH was unemployed. On top of that, we also have baby money! (Yup, my husband is wonderful and has already put aside all our prenatal/birth costs as well as a chunk of money for diapers/misc baby supplies!)

So, DH and I went to a music store and bought a drum set that he has had his eye on for quite some time now. I don't think he regrets getting rid of his electronic set. He got a lot of money out of them, and this very basic set cost much less. He wanted to go simple anyway, because it is easier to be innovative with less drums and stuff to beat on. Grestch is a quality brand and the cymbals are super nice too. I'm glad he has his own set again. They are set up in our bedroom for now, but when the baby comes, we'll be moving them to our livingroom. The only reason we didn't put them there in the first place is because I will still be babysitting until our own little one is due and I want to guard my husband's nice things from curious/sticky/destructive toddler hands. :)

Labels: dh, music

I was driving myself batty earlier today trying to find the top of my uterus (fundus). Last time I went to the midwife, I was 10 weeks and 3 days, so the bugger was still hiding below my pubic bone. I am at 12 weeks and 4 days today, so I thought maybe I could feel it myself.

My Dr. Sears Pregnancy Book says to empty your bladder, lie down on your back, and feel around just above your pubic bone. There should be a hard round thing there and that's the uterus. I couldn't feel a darn thing. Well, maybe I could, but who knows? There are all sorts of lumps and bumps and stuff inside that squishy belly of mine...maybe one of those was my uterus. :) hee hee.

I'm just curious, is all. Every normal person in the universe has either heard their baby's heartbeat w/ the Doptone or had an early sonogram by this stage of the game. It's my own decision not to have those things, but I'm still feeling a bit antsy. My nausea has died down quite a bit. Aside from the gigantic volcano zits, greasy forehead, and painful boobies, I don't really "feel" pregnant. If my big gut is any indication that everything's alright in there, than the baby must be doing just dandy! Worrying is silly. I don't think I'm worried, per se....just excited to start feeling those little kicks and jabs. I'm not sure if I feel them yet or not. It's tough to tell, when I'm not sure what it feels like. There are times when I feel "movement" way down low, but I usually just chalk it up to a muscle twitch or gas or something.

There are 3 people in our lives who have recently had miscarriages. My cousin, my friend @ church, and DH's pal who lives in Texas. It's hard not to be curious about what's going on inside my belly when I keep hearing bad news like that....but FEAR is from the enemy and the bible says that perfect love casts out all fear. Fear is something that has no place in my heart, because I am a child of the Most High. The whole reason DH and I have chosen to have a low-intervention pregnancy is because we trust that we will be blessed with a healthy and uneventful pregnancy and birth. We KNOW that our child will be healthy and well and no amount of bad news can stop me from believing that.

Am I giving myself a pep-talk? Yep.

Labels: pregnancy, sadness

Here is a picture my mom took of me at the end of her visit. I was 11 weeks and 5 days. I'm not too fond of the photo for a few reasons:

1) It was a billion degrees in my house and I was all greasy and sweaty.

2) It was late at night and you probably can't tell, but I had a really tired look on my face.

3) I have been wearing sports bras lately to keep my swollen sore boobies contained (they feel so much better that way!), and this picture makes me look soooooooo flat-chested (despite the fact that my chest has grown).

4) I look like a man with his pants hiked up too high! :) And I promise, I don't wear my shirts that short - my mom made me pull it up for the picture.

Aside from all that, I think I look hot! Just kidding. No one ever likes photos of themselves....especially someone who's in that funky in-between stage of pregnancy where it mostly just looks like she's getting fat instead of having a cute round obviously pregnant belly.

My pooch looks bigger in the picture than what it feels like for real. I wasn't standing funny or sticking my gut out, though....but I swear it doesn't look that huge in real life. It's strange because I think the baby is not much larger than a lime at this point....although, my uterus is probably bigger than a large grapefruit. So, that big ol' pooch of mine is mostly bloatedness and fat! :) Ha ha!

Update on my sister's surrogacy experience:

My sis is about 7 weeks along in her pregnancy, I think. She is feeling really nauseous, has diarrhea and a bad head cold. Ick! She works full time as a Respiratory Therapist at a hospital and has 3 little ones. I don't know how she does it! She did call in sick yesterday and doesn't have to work again until Saturday night, so she's trying to rest a little. She usually works 3 12 hour shifts a week and it's starting to get to her. I'm not sure how she can keep up that pace while pregnant....and she's usually on her feet the whole 12 hours! I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but she's only carrying a singleton. My family (myself included) is very relieved about that. Everything is normal and healthy. She's had about a ba-jillion ultrasounds, which kind of concerns me. She knows that I'm choosing not to have ANY ultrasounds (if I can help it) and I think that she looks at me like I'm a paranoid weirdo. :) Not really. She just trusts the medical establishment and thinks that if there were any danger, doctors and nurses would know and warn patients. I won't get into what I think about that. She is very medically-minded, though, and I guess she doesn't see anything wrong with having an ultrasound every 2 weeks. Well, it's also not her baby and since the fertility clinic that's handling the surrogacy suggests that she go every 2 weeks for a sonogram until 12 weeks, that's what she's been doing. I think after that, they just do the regular 20 week u/s and not sure how many they'll order after that. Oh well, I'm sure I AM being a paranoid freak and everything will be fine. They still have her on progesterone shots until 16 weeks. My mom was talking to me about the whole thing when she was here visiting. She is supportive, but her main concern is that with work and feeling pregnant and ill, my sister's own children are going to get slighted. My mom assured me that if she sees my sister beginning to get cranky and impatient with her kids or neglecting them in any way because of the pregnancy, she will step in and have a talk with her. Even though I'm happy my sister is getting to do something she feels so strongly about, I'm glad that my mom will keep an eye on how her grandchildren are affected.

I'm wondering how everything will play out when it gets close to the time when we're both due. She is about 5 weeks behind me, and I'm assuming that she will need our mom to watch her kids while she travels to the town where the real parents live to give birth. The baby's parents really want her to come to them when it's time to give birth and she agreed to that, but it seems to me it would be more fair for my sister to be able to stay where she is and let the baby's parents come to her. Oh well, guess my sis has her reasons. Anyway, my mom told me that she would stay with me for as long as I thought I needed her help after my baby comes, even if it's as long as a month! I'm not sure how long I'll want her to stay when the time comes, but I admit that I get a little jealous to think that she may have to rush home to take care of my sister's kids sooner than I want her to leave. My sister has had my mom there to help her after all 3 of her births....and she has her at her disposal all year 'round. The selfish part of me thinks that my mom should stay with me regardless of when my sister has to travel because it's my turn to have her undivided attention. But then, the UNselfish part of me thinks it's no big deal and even if my mom has to leave before I want her to, I won't take it personally and let my feelings get hurt over it....it's just a matter of timing that may or may not work out. Besides, DH and I have been so blessed to be able to have children on our own. My sister is doing this for a couple that CAN'T have children on their own, and it would be pretty selfish of me to get my panties in a bunch over her needing my mom's help to give life to this couple's child. I'll do my best to make the UNselfish me win this one. :)

Labels: belly pics, family, pregnancy, pregnancy whining, surrogacy

Can I just say that some parents in this crazy world do things that make me scratch my head in total disbelief?

My friend's brother has 3 small children and one on the way. It's one of those situations where they can barely take care of the ones they have, and it makes me so sad for those little kids! There have been times when they've done without hot water and a kitchen stove, yet daddy has enough money for beer and cigarettes. Uuughh. Their oldest, who is 5 years old, can barely talk. I mean, he can talk a little, but you can't understand a word he says. The poor little guy just isn't five, developmentally speaking.

So, public school started over a month ago, and all of the sudden these parents decide they want to toss him into kindergarten this week. I suspect they suddenly realized that they have access to a free babysitter and decided to take advantage. Instead of mommy and daddy taking the child to his very first day of school, they dropped him off at my friend's house early one morning and had one of her school age children walk him to his kindergarten classroom! He is hardly ever apart from mommy and daddy, so the poor guy screamed and cried when his cousin dropped him off at his classroom and chased him down the hall....completely brokenhearted.

This is the same family that could EASILY qualify for government assistance programs like WIC, to provide milk, cheese, juice, peanutbutter, and cereal for their 3 (almost 4) children, but they are actually TOO LAZY TO GO TO THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT TO FILL OUT THE PAPERWORK! Their children could get free health insurance through a state program, but it's "too much red tape" for them, so they never get around to it.

I pray that these children grow up healthy and emotionally strong, despite their parents' complete ignorance and disregard for the importance of nurturing a child's mind, body, and spirit. I just don't understand.

Labels: general complaining, griping about people

My husband said that I must've gotten the wrong idea about how he feels about cloth diapering. He's still on board with it....he just figured it would be good to present other people's arguments to me to see if I had thought things through enough to have legitimate rebuttles to their "concerns" about using cloth. That's good. I thought he was sort of getting cold feet, but turns out he still thinks it's a good plan. Also, it freaked him out a little when I initially figured how much money we'd need to get started on cloth diapering. I was making a wish list of all kinds of fancy new-fangled diapers: Fuzzi Bunz, Bumgenius one-size pocket diapers, Kissaluvs fitteds, and a couple of washable diaper pail liners. All those things made for a very expensive wish list! While I'd like to try all of these products at some point during our cloth diapering journey, I feel relieved to know that I don't have to stock up on all the fancy stuff right now to have a sufficient diaper stash. DH is relieved to know that I can get everything we need to start out for $100. The only things I'll need to buy on top of that cost is fleece fabric to cut up for diaper liners (thanks, Danielle, for suggesting that!) and some wool wash & lanolin for the wool covers I already have. DH had a good point: we have a history of jumping head-first into ideas without totally thinking them through. He just wants to make sure this isn't one of them....because that could be expensive. This way, if for any reason we'd decide that cloth diapering is not for us, we won't be losing a ton of money. I really do have a great feeling about it, though....especially after getting enouragement from Danielle and Rebekah. I seriously doubt that we'll try it and decide we can't do it.

THIS IS WHAT I ALREADY HAVE:

- 3 Baby Greens "Growing Greens" One-size hemp diapers (even thought these are "one-size", they just look so huge. It might be a little bit until I can use these.)
- 3 Disana Wool Covers (1 small, 1 med, 1 lrg)
- 2 Bum-Ware AIO's w/ doublers
- Material to make about 3 or 4 size small homemade AI2's w/ snap-in soaker. (My friend hired me to make a bunch for her and told me to keep some of the fabric to make some for myelf. Woohoo!)
- 5 homemade contour-shaped doublers made from flannel and unbleached terry.
- 2 infant size prefolds
- 2 size small Bummi's Super Whisper Wraps


THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING TO BUY (from Integrity Diapers):

- 3 dozen infant size Chinese Prefolds
- 5 size small ProWrap covers
- 4 Snappi diaper fasteners
- 8 pair of Dritz diaper pins

Okay, on to things that are way more important than poop-catchers.....

I was reading bits and pieces of Isaiah last night and this scripture really jumped out at me:

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:28-31

That promise gives me hope because sometimes I feel so weak. Not like, "Oh whoa is me, my life is so tough!" type of weak.....but more like an "I'm tired of letting God down and allowing my laziness prevent me from fulfilling my purpose." kind of weak. Sometimes I find that I'm going to church and singing out of HABIT. The zeal and love that I originally had for the Lord when I first gave Him my heart has faded and I fear that I more resemble the scribes & Pharisees that disgusted Jesus than I resemble a TRUE follower of Christ who has a deep relationship with Him. That makes me so sad.

I really think I'm getting on the right track, though. My desire to read His Word and get to know His heart is growing and I'm realizing that I can't live a luke-warm life anymore. Life without a true relationship with Christ (meaning, talking to Him, listening to Him, thinking about Him all the time, singing to Him, being filled with His joy and delighting in His Word) is meaningless and eventually crumbles into pieces. I'm sick of "playing church" and going through the motions. The funny thing is, I go to a wonderful church where the preaching is powerful and challenging....it's not like I'm not being fed.... my heart just isn't listening and I'm not applying anything I learn. Well, I don't want my life to be like that anymore.

Labels: cloth diapering, spirituality

DH and I have been discussing how we're going to handle our approach to stocking up on cloth diapers before the baby's born. Just for a little bit of background, I don't think he's quite as convinced as I am that cloth diapering is the best choice. He seemed more accepting of it when I first brought it up, but now it seems he's having doubts. I'm not surprised, though. You see, every time he tells a friend or a family member about our choice to cloth diaper, he gets a negative reaction.....EVERY SINGLE TIME. I expect that. Of course, when you tell a person who has used nothing but disposables on their children that you plan to cloth diaper, you're going to get negativity. It only makes sense that someone who chose an easier route would feel threatened by someone's choice to do the same thing in a more labor-intensive way because they don't understand why. I suppose people's negative reactions about cloth diapering tend not to sway me as much because I've done so much reading on the subject and met so many moms online that swear by cloth diapering. I guess since DH doesn't have the encouragement of reading posts and testimonials from people who have REALLY MADE IT WORK, it's easy for him to only see the negative that nay-sayers spew at him.

Labels: cloth diapering

Sorry for the super long hiatus. My parents left early yesterday morning and I didn't find time to do my usual daily post while they were here.

We had a great visit. We didn't do anything too eventful - just relaxed, ate, and shopped - but it was still really nice. Oh yeah, and my mom & stepdad are FREAKS about yard work. They LOVE anything that has to do with landscaping, so my mom pulled every single weed around the perimeter of our house (and that was no small task, mind you!) and trimmed all the shrubbery. My stepdad mowed the ditch that DH didn't get a chance to mow before they got here and also did some little home-improvement projects inside the house. He re-wired some lightswitches that had been wired wrong, "helped" my husband fix my mom's laptop (and by "help", I mean stood behind him and asked a billion questions in an abnoxious yet cute sort of way :), and helped DH put insulation under our bathtub. It was a regular fix-up fest....and I wasn't allowed to help. Every time I bent over to help my mom bag lawn clippings, she yelled at me to stop. Hee hee. I kept telling her that I didn't invite them to come stay with us so they could spend the whole week working on our house, but she insisted that yard work is relaxing for her and that my stepdad would be lost and bored without a few projects to keep him occupied. Here's the house now:


I wish I would've taken a "before" pic....it was a jungle!

They drove here and brought a whole truckload of stuff for us: a crib, a car seat, a baby swing, misc. other baby items, a solid oak t.v. armoir for our bedroom, and all my "Growing Up Girls" figurines that I accumulated over the years.




I bought this adorable Melissa & Doug wooden toy food set on one of our shopping excursions. I know it'll be a while 'til our baby is old enough to have fun with it, but it was half-off and I just love wooden toys like this!



My parents seemed to enjoy coming to church with us. I was initially a little nervous about that because our song service tends to be a bit loud and exhuberant and my stepdad is pretty traditional and isn't too fond of "rock" music. But they said they liked it a lot. Maybe my sister's also non-traditional church has broken them in a little bit :)

I miss them already and was sad to see them leave. The week went by so fast!!! But my mom is planning on coming back up in April when the baby's born. I have a whole issue surrounding that situation, which you can read about HERE. I'm sure I can get that resolved without hurting anyone's feelings, though. I'll just have to be tactful and explain my reasoning.

Well, I'm back to babysitting! The kiddo's daddy took some vacation time and watched him all week. I think it was probably really good for them to get some father-son bonding time in. Originally, his grandma was going to babysit all week, but that didn't work out. I feel sort of guilty that the daddy had to use up so much vacation time so I could spend the week with my parents.....but then again, they've known that I needed this past week off for about 4 months now, so I figure that's plenty of time to line up another sitter. Kiddo's sitting on the couch watching a video right now, quietly munching on some cheerios while I catch up on my blog. What a patient kid!



***ETA***
Oh yes, and I almost forgot to add that DH started his new job today! He is making considerably less than he was making at the company where he worked for 6 years, but it is worth it. He will be doing computer tech work, which is what he loves. His boss told him that he hires everyone in at that modest rate and then raises their wages when he can evaluate their worth. I'm confident that they will be fair and pay DH a good amount. Plus, DH eventually wants to work at our church full time, and the experience he will be getting at this job will be perfect for preparing him for that. Can't wait to hear how it went!

Labels: family, my house