Thanks
Sunday, December 31, 2006

Thank you all, for your words of encouragement and being able to relate to my predicament concerning postpartum house guests. It's SO good to know that others have felt the same way I do - like a momma bear in her cave, who doesn't want anyone around her or her little cub. Speaking of which, I find it very interesting that just about every mammal in nature goes off and hides when it's time to give birth. Why should a human mommy be expected to be little-miss-social-hostess immediately after such a trying event? The nicest dog in the world can suddlenly turn into Cujo if you invade her recovery space and touch her newborn young uninvited. Not that we are mere animals.....but there must certainly be a reason for our innate desire to crawl into a hole to be by ourselves after giving birth.

In my opinion, I haven't been crazily hormonal or emotional through the pregnancy thus far. Sure, I have my rotten moods and moments of frustration, just like anyone else. You could double check with my husband, but I'm pretty sure that he would tell you I haven't had any wild mood swings or moments of irrational sadness to speak of. But on this one issue, I feel like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.

One minute, I feel dead-set against having my step-dad come to visit during our first days with the baby....and I even start to have doubts about wanting my mom here to help out. DH IS MY COMFORT ZONE. Period. Part of me thinks that anyone else will make me uncomfortable and I will just want to curl up in bed with him and our new little one for days on end.

The next minute, I feel like I'm being silly and that having my mom and step-dad here will be a good thing. Besides, DH and I can always hole up in the bedroom if we want to while they're here. There is, after all, such a thing as a bedroom door. I mean, really, how bad could it be? Having my mom here to make meals, do dishes, laundry, and other stuff will be SOOOOOOO nice. This sounds very selfish, but I also suspect they will help out with groceries, miscellaneous baby items, and unexpected expenses that may pop up while they're here. If all I have to do is put up with my step-dad's mildly abnoxious neediness for a week or so to gain all the benefits of having my mom here for support, (and his eagerness to help with macho fix-it things around the house may come in handy as well), then that's not too bad.

I flip-flop on the issue almost daily. I'm pretty sure I'm putting too much thought into it, but I can't help it. I just don't want to have an experience like some of you have described in your comments and that I've also read about on pregnancy boards and such.....getting so freaked out and stressed that I flip out and explode in a hormonally-charged meltdown doesn't sound like a fun way to start my first days with a new baby.

I'm going to be totally honest with my mom about my feelings and force her to listen to me....I'll tell her EXACTLY what scares me about having house guests during that time (Well, I'll leave out the part about thinking that my step-dad is loud and abnoxious...that may not go over so well :) and then we can discuss it from there. If she knows how strongly I feel about my privacy and space, I think having them here will actually be tolerable and both DH and I will end up enjoying their company and support. If they know they have to play by MY rules and back off when I need them to, then it shouldn't be a problem, right? DH doesn't seemed frazzled by their impending visit. Maybe he can be my cool level-headed anchor in all of this and neutralize my leave-me-the-crap-alone hormones.

DH asked if I would feel the same way if it were my biological father coming to visit. I didn't hesitate and said, "Absolutely". Something just seems weird to me about having a male around (who isn't my husband and father of the child) after giving birth. But, like I mentioned before, that's why bedroom doors were invented. There may be times that I'll want to retreat and be alone, but there will also undoubtedly be times when I'd like to be social and share the joy of our new baby with my family. I'll be sad if I miss out on that.

Labels: family, general complaining, griping about people, pregnancy