My cousin who got pregnant shortly after I did ended up having a miscarriage this week. My heart just breaks for her. Her pregnancy was unplanned with a man she is not married to yet, but it was to be her first baby and they were both so ecstatic about it. I was really happy for her too. Uuughh....I just can't imagine how she must be feeling right now. When she went to the doctor, they were having trouble pin-pointing her dates because she has really irregular cycles, so they did an ultrasound. They had trouble finding the sac at first, but it was there. They estimated that she was about 6 weeks along. She went back a few days after that for another ultrasound, since they didn't get a great look at it before. At that ultrasound, they said that the baby's heartbeat was lower than what it should be. I have no experience at all with this. We haven't even heard or "seen" our babe's heartbeat yet, so I'm not sure what the heartbeat should be at that stage. They told her to come back to have another ultrasound a few days after that, and they found that the heartbeat was gone. The doctor gave her a pill to "pass" the baby and some pretty hefty pain medicine for the impending cramps. She took the pill and the sac w/ the baby inside was passed the next day. That in itself had to be a horrific experience.

What an awful thing to have happen. I have never suffered the pain of a miscarriage and I can't even imagine what it would be like. I can't say what I'd do in that situation, but I think I might be too scared to take whatever pill they gave her to make the uterus contract. I would be in denial and assume that the doctor had no idea what he/she was talking about and then wait for my body's own signals. My cousin said she was having nausea and had tender veiny breasts. Her symptoms still seemed to be in full force. If it were me, I'd have a really difficult time believing the doctor and wait for the bleeding to commence itself instead of taking that pill. But then again, maybe that's not always a possibility, since some women do have to get a D&C done after miscarriage. That's something I definitely know nothing about, but my general distrust and scepticism concerning doctors would be enough for me to let nature run its course instead of helping things along with a pill. But like I said, I know nothing of the subject, so maybe she did the very best thing. I don't know.

I feel blessed to have this healthy little creature thriving inside of me, and so sad that my cousin will not get to feel that baby grow and bring it into this world. Tomorrow will be 9 weeks since my LMP date. Our next appointment with the midwife is September 19th. Woohoo! I will be 10 weeks along at that point.

I've felt EXTREMELY nauseous all day, but I really can't complain about it. I am thankful for the tiny baby taking shape inside me and the surge of hormones that is making feel so ill is also causing my baby's cells to form and multiply into a healthy and complete body. I'm just very concerned with how I've been eating. I had my first little bit of salad in a long time today and it was very difficult to chew up and swallow. The texture and smell just gets to me. All I want are high-fiber cereals, an occasional egg (and even more so if I don't have to cook it and look at its runny raw form. Ick!), any kind of beans, any kind of cheese (well, maybe not brie or anything funky like that), and potatoes (especially baked or mashed). That is about the extent of what seems palatable to me at the moment. I did eat some pizza today (no meat!!! meat totally grosses me out right now) and ended up scraping the cheese off of some of it.....so essentially, I ended up having white bread w/ tomato sauce on it. I'm continuing to take my vitamins and iron supplement.....but I'm sure the midwife is not going to be pleased with my lack of green veggies. Yikes.

Labels: pregnancy, sadness